I [30s F] just found out my friend [36 F] of 5 years is actually married for more than a decade and has been dating some guys as if she was single. All these years she's been saying she's never married.

Where do I begin? I feel so stupid right now. I JUST found out my friend of 5 years has been lying so much and everything she told me about her relationship status was lies.

All these years, she told me she never got married and she's not really interested in marrying someone. She said she even turned down proposals from two ex-boyfriends (two times total; once from each ex boyfriend.) She also said she was adopted when she was a teen; like 16 or 17 when she moved to America to study. She never invited me to her house or even suggested doing something at her house and she used to say she's a very private person. I just thought it was a bit odd but I just thought she doesn't open up easily. So I never invited her either. Then about two years ago, she "revealed" that she was adopted. She asked me to keep it to myself and that she hasn't told anyone else about being adopted. So I didn't tell anyone; I just thought she trusts me enough to share that information. She's always said she lives with her adoptive parents. After hearing that, I thought that's the reason she doesn't invite people to her house. Everyone basically assumes her parents are her biological parents but her adoptive parents are white people. She's Asian. Since she's been "hiding" that from everyone, I thought that's why she doesn't feel comfortable inviting anyone to her house. And I never really asked her why she doesn't invite people over; I thought that's probably the reason.  She would go back to her country at least once a year to see her biological parents. I thought she is one of those people who got adopted just to get the U.S. citizenship. I don't know how it is these days but I had read/watched news saying some Asian parents and students would agree to get adopted by American families since it's much easier to get citizenship that way and could save money on tuition. If they are on a student visa here in the U.S.  they would have to pay much more than American citizens so some Asian people from overseas would do this. So when she confessed, I thought she was one of those rare cases and that she's been hiding it cuz she was ashamed of it. 

Today I was checking the reverse phone number search website and checked a few phone numbers including mine and family members' numbers. They all showed the correct addresses.

Then I checked my friend's number. It showed the address and 1 associate's name. The city was correct. Then I searched the address on the public record and found the owners' names. Then I realized the owner's last name and the last name of her "associate" is the same. So I was like the owner is her adoptive father and the associate must be her adoptive brother. By the way, her legal last name is still her original Asian last name. The owner and associate's last name were an American/white last name. That was odd too but I just clicked the "associate" and read more information. It listed his current address as the same as my friend's. So I was thinking "Yeah. He's probably her adoptive brother." But his previous addresses listed a few addresses in a city that she went to college in. It's more than 10 hours by plane from this area. I was like "Did her brother go to the same college with her or something?" "He used to live in (abc city) too?" That made me question more and more and it just felt fishy. Eventually I found their marriage record. When I saw their names on the record I was like "wow...is this a movie? Is it real? Am I dreaming?" So apparently the "associate" is her husband and they got married more than 10 years ago. So the adoptive parents she mentioned all these years are actually her parents-in-law. Apparently she lives with her husband and parents-in-law. I checked the court records to find if there's any record for divorce just in case but there is none.  So she's still married and yet was/is in relationships with at least two guys. Her first ex that I met was a "crazy" guy and their break up was pretty bad. It will be a long story so I won't go into details. She's been in a relationship with a new boyfriend for about 3-4 months now. Of course none of them knew/know that she's a married woman.   Whenever we were talking about cheating, she would say things like "people are crazy these days. Why would they get married if they just want to date around and sleep with other people?" Who would have guessed she was just that kind of person?  I feel like I've been close friends with a pathological liar that I've only seen in the movies. Is it called Ripley Syndrome?  Anyway, I feel bad for myself. Everything about her seems fake. Was there anything real about her? I feel betrayed and I also feel bad for her boyfriend. She said he loves her so much and wants to marry her. She also said she's never loved anyone as much as her boyfriend. Up until today, I thought they were such a cute couple and I was happy for her for finding a good guy after the bad breakup.  There were other incidents which made me realize she lies a lot but that would make this post even longer. Looking back, there were so many small lies too. She said she's never dated white guys and only dated Asian guys. Her husband is white. She even said she's kind of interested in dating one in the future because she hasn't dated one yet. She also talked about the two times her exes proposed to her. She said she didn't love them enough to marry them so she said no. I've always thought that was a bit odd since she said she was with them for 5 years and 6 years each. I felt like rejecting proposals after 5 years and 6 years of dating was definitely uncommon. SMH.

---

TL;DR: A close friend has been lying that she's never married. Since I've known her, everyone around us (including me) had no idea she's married. She made up huge lies (adoption) to cover up her marriage life and has been in relationships with at least two people since I've known her (all while being married.) I don't know what to do with her. If you were me, can you stay friends with someone like her? What would be the best choice for me? Would you guys confront her or just ghost her or/and block everything? Would you guys tell other people (like mutual friends) about it? I feel like if I told some people, they would think I'm making it up or I'm crazy unless they see the proof. Sigh...it's too shocking. 

Submitted February 18, 2021 at 10:54AM by khjforever https://ift.tt/3sbur83