Husband (27M) and I (25F) have been together four year and have a one year old daughter.
When we were dating we both wanted a big family, (5-6 kids) and he was great with other people's kids so I didn't think much of it, I assumed he would be a good parent. He lived alone so I didn't worry about him not knowing how to do house chores.
When we had our first I stopped working and took over pretty much all household chores and childcare, which was totally manageable at the time.
However it was different when I became pregnant again. My first trimester I was basically bedridden with nausea and exhausted all the time. Now that I'm in the second trimester the nausea is manageable with medication, but I have horrible hip pain that keeps me from being active around the house. My nausea meds make me tired and give me headaches. Our busy one year old is a handful so I have trouble doing all I use to around the house.
My husband does know that things are hard for me right now and he does give me breaks, but his parenting is what I would call "baby-sitter parenting". He will take her if she wakes up early in the morning so I can rest, but he won't realize that he should change her soggy diaper and will just play on his phone for an hour and expect her to occupy herself. He will feed her so I don't have to be around food, but refuses to prepare her anything but bananas and Cheerios, so I have to make sure she gets a variety of foods. Sometimes he'll stick her in the car and drive around for a while, but won't take her out anywhere stimulating. He will "give her a bath" but she will still have food on her face afterwards, and he just lets her splash around for 3-5 minutes while he scrolls his phone. He needs me to lay out her PJs even though he knows where they are kept, etc.
He needs to be specifically asked to help around the house, and when he does I can't rely on what he's done. I try my best to understand that things won't be done the way I would do them, but there are some thing that I can't get past, like putting dirty dishes away (think dried on milk on a cutting board and bacon grease in a frying pan, not specs that the dishwasher didn't get). He doesn't cook, grocery shop, clean bathrooms or do laundry. He only does dishes sometimes and basic tidying.
I try to be understanding that he still works full time and needs rest too, but when lockdown restrictions in our area have been easing up he's been going out a couple nights a week to flood an ice rink that our friends in the area take turns using. He goes to boys night (distanced of course, please nobody jump on me, we are following restrictions). He's usually gone at least three nights a week do ing various things. I find myself getting resentful that he has energy for that but not for helping me.
I'm trying to be thankful for what I get and accept that things are going to be different until I get my energy back, but I'm getting frustrated with my husband's disinterest in helping with parenting and the household chores. I'm also staring to rethink having a bunch of kids when it seems like my husband wants nothing to do with childcare and housework, which of course there will be more of with more kids.
Is this just a stage we have to get through or should we have a talk about responsibilities, etc? Should we not have more kids?
EDIT: Also, for those with kids and a full time job (he works at least 45 hours a week, most weeks closer to 50) what is reasonable to expect after work?
TL;DR: Husband does less with our child and around the house than I think is reasonable, should I tough it up or sort it out?
Submitted February 12, 2021 at 05:54PM by annon6784930 https://ift.tt/2No2niF
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