I have this coworker I've hung out with a handful of times outside of work. We've all been working from home so she has invited me on a few hikes, including one last weekend. Then this weekend, she asked me if I wanted to have a movie night with her.
I declined. I usually am one to jump on social invitations and it's rare for me to say no to anything. I'm the friend that you could call at 1am and say "hey, we're about to go do something crazy" and I'd totally be down. But I really just didn't feel up to anything this weekend. I've felt super burnt out lately. I've worked long weeks and our line of work is emotionally taxing. On top of that I do dance and acrobatics classes 4 times a week, so I just don't have a lot of downtime. I was really looking forward to this 3 day weekend to decompress. Plus I just got the covid vaccine and it's made me tired and headachy. My Valentine's weekend plans were basically to take a hot bath, wear sweats, and watch a lot of Netflix. And I was stoked about that.
She accepted my refusal, but texted me a couple times today about work stuff, and called me at one point. I saw it but didn't answer because I was on a Facebook call with my sister. Then she texted right after calling, asking me if I could look something up in our work system because she was out meeting with a client and needed the info. That seemed important so I sent her the info. Then I went back to doing what I was doing. Not really a big deal.
But then later she sent me more messages, which I didn't see right away. When I did open them, the first couple were just venting about work, but the next ones were odd. She said, "I'm going to get you to agree to a movie night someday, I swear I'm an awesome friend." Followed by, "I know you are super guarded and don't like most people but I could use a friend now."
I haven't responded. I feel awkward because I didn't see them until late at night and several hours after she had sent them, so it seems like I was intentionally ignoring her. I wasn't, I just am notoriously bad at texting. Most of my friends know this and will use facebook to message/call me since I'm in front of my computer way more often than I check my phone. But also, I just wanted one weekend to disconnect and I feel like she has suddenly been kind of aggressive about contacting me when we really aren't that close and don't have a history of talking very frequently at all. Maybe she is going through something? But I wouldn't expect me to be her go-to person for support.
I feel guilty for leaving her hanging and I figure I will answer her tomorrow. But I don't know what to say. I have no idea why she described me as "super guarded" and "don't like most people." She hardly knows me and that's not me at all. Sure, at work I try to stay professional and I don't interact with my coworkers as freely as I do my other friends, but I am a pretty easygoing person and back when we were working in the office, my office was the main place where people stopped by for snacks (I kept a bucket of chocolate for anyone who needed it) and to chat. So I really don't feel like I give off "don't like people" vibes.
And it felt kind of patronizing, like she was implying that I don't have friends and am in need of her friendship. But I'm not interested in a friendship where someone is trying to "save" or "fix" me. I have had those friendships in the past and they suck. Now I have friends that like me for who I am, which is way better. I'm not interested in being anyone's project.
I'm kind of upset about it and not sure how to address it.
tldr: coworker/casual friend sent me some awkward texts that I don't know how to respond to.
Submitted February 13, 2021 at 11:31PM by Panda-92 https://ift.tt/3jRoBpd
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