How do I [23F] gently explain to my MIL [58F] that her helping with my baby isn't exactly helpful sometimes

So I have a really sensitive situation with my MIL that I don't really know how to handle and I'm looking for some advice.

I have a 1 month old baby daughter who is the light of both our lives (understandably, she's perfect). Her Dad, my Fiance and my MILs son, passed away when my daughter was 4 days old. It was the worst day of my life. And probably hers. He was my MILs only child.

Since he's been gone, she has been AMAZING about supporting me. She's there for me 24/7. I could call her at 3am and she would be there in 5 minutes. Seriously I couldn't ask for more support. And I genuinely love this woman with my whole heart. And I'm so thankful.

My issue is that sometimes she can be a little overbearing. But I know my daughter looks like her daddy and that she is a part of my MILs son, so of course I want her involved. It's just that she often reorganizes her dressers, puts towels away in odd places, feeds my daughter at times outside her schedule, and does some small things that are just making things a little difficult for me to stay organized and on a schedule. Or she will get a new formula without telling me and give it to her while I'm asleep.

But I don't know how to approach it without sounding over critical. Like, I appreciate her washing the towels SO much for example. But having them put away in a weird spot means Im digging for towels that I have no idea where they are at 2am sometimes when baby spits up. When I've tried to bring it up before, she seems to brush it off with a "grandma knows best", which I do understand because she is so helpful, but I also need to know where bubby's things are and that her feeding schedule is to be adhered to if I lay down for a nap (I had a rough c section and am still on half bed rest).

Anyway, I'm not sure how to approach my MIL about something that is so emotional for both of us. Advice?

TL;DR how do I nicely approach my MIL about overstepping with my infant daughter when I am so appreciative and in need of her help still?

Submitted February 04, 2021 at 10:07AM by jcjdjsj81 https://ift.tt/36Hdbz0