25F 26M. Together 3 years.
I’ve been in an extremely up & down relationship. We were engaged but we took a step back and are just monogamous now. A lot of our problems resulted from him. His therapist calls him a “narcissist fence sitter” with stress and anxiety issues but not a full blown narcissist. However, most of our relationship he acted like a textbook narcissist. I didn’t realize it until 4 months ago in my own therapy session and since then he’s truly wanted to “not act like a narcissist” and try to change.
I forgave him for every mistake imaginable and he’s going to therapy and working on himself to overcome his issues. I’ve grown sooo much too and I feel like a stronger person. I now know immediately when he’s manipulating me or gaslighting me. I tell him and 50/50 he listens in the moment. Afterwards he is okay and usually sees my view and agrees. We both have goals and are working on ourselves. We share the same vision and he supports me. But in the event of conflict, things get terrible very fast.
Lately we’ve been okay and on the same page. His life is finally on track and he finished law school (hardest/most stressful time in his life). Everything has been leading up to this point. He’s finally changing, done with stressful school, we plan to buy a home and live together full time, and we both know our issues.
This is what I wanted so badly 3 years ago, even a year ago this was a dream. But now I can’t shake this feeling of “meh” from my head. I enjoy being around him for the most part but there’s no more spark or overwhelming love. To an extent it’s like I’m playing a part and it’s comfortable for us. It also doesn’t help it’s a pandemic and we are all we have, we’d both be completely alone otherwise. On a certain level I think I’m denying all the pain and hell he put me through. I’m trying to focus on the current moment and the future because I do see significant changes in him. But it’s like a part of me, deep down, knows my pain doesn’t end here. I even have dreams 2-3 times a week now about him cheating, neglecting me, or screwing me over. I want to be excited about this new chapter, but I can’t. Unfortunately, the parts he hurt still live inside me and haven’t healed.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this, and did you eventually leave or did it get better?
Is this a normal low in a relationship? Especially after recovering from trauma of sorts.
TLDR: Narcissist leaning bf finally trying to change, going to therapy, and has made big changes. But I feel apathetic. Is this a sign I still need to work on past trauma from him or that I’ve outgrown this relationship?
Edits/Details: We definitely still have our issues and he still has soooo much to work on. We’ve had rough days and he still has a lot of NPD tendencies that negatively impact us. But his attitude towards the work he needs to do is positive. Which is a first.
Submitted February 03, 2021 at 02:49PM by Dependent_Stomach_11 https://ift.tt/3tmHvZr
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