Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday season. This is an update to a post I made two months ago about my best friend confessing that she's in love with me.
Sorry, this update was meant to come sooner but I’m a terrible procrastinator. I don't know if anyone's still interested or wants to read this, but here it is.
First of all, thank you to everyone who responded, I really just needed some input and advice from someone who wasn’t so close to the situation and you guys really came through. You pointed out a few things that I wouldn’t have thought of otherwise and I really appreciate it. I got a lot of replies that were really lovely and most people encouraged me to go for love and take the risk. However, the most helpful reply was from someone who direct messaged me about their own experience and how hiding a relationship like this can really put a strain on you.
Probably not the update you wanted, but I ended up writing a letter to my friend explaining my feelings and how I love her (as my best friend) but that a relationship wouldn't work out. I felt really terrible about it afterward, but she very quickly replied to my letter with her own, saying that she didn't blame me and that she knew my situation wasn't ideal. We're still good friends, and I'm super glad this didn't change anything about our friendship.
I'm thinking this was probably the best choice for a lot of reasons. Shortly after this, something happened in my community (a very religious area that's known for being homophobic) that stirred up a lot of arguments in my family. I had to listen to my sister in law (someone who I'm close friends with and love a lot) rant about how homosexuality is a mental illness and that same-sex marriage should be illegal. The rest of my family agreed with her on that stance. I tried to argue what I could, but there's only so little I can do without outing myself. I started having recurring nightmares that my family found out that I'm not straight, some of which were very disturbing and involved some of my religious trauma.
Long story short, I think it's best if I not date anyone for a while. Hopefully, someday I'll be in a more stable situation and living independently so I'll be able to be more honest with myself and my family. In the meantime, I have some very good, close friends who are supportive of me and care about me a lot. Even though a lot of them don't know I'm questioning my sexuality (which is a wonder given how I act and dress, I think their gaydar is broken), I know they'd love me no matter what, because most of them are gay too (which again, makes me wonder how they haven't noticed; but if they aren't going to ask, I'm not gonna say anything).
Happy Holidays, and I sincerely hope that any closeted members of the LGBTQ community like me are safe and happy.
TL;DR! - I turned down my friend which I think was a good thing because my family is even more homophobic than I thought
Submitted December 24, 2020 at 11:24AM by Obvious_Amount_8171 https://ift.tt/2KzL4tN
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