My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been together for 6 ½ years. He is a sweet, emotionally mature man who has supported me in tough times through abusive parents and grueling coursework. He is kind, hilarious, and nerdy in all the right ways.
He was coddled by his mother and now has failed to launch. He was in college for a while but dropped out, and while he wants desperately to go back to prove to himself he can get a degree, he has no idea what he wants to do and believes he won’t ever find it so it doesn’t make sense to try anymore. He has seen lots of career counselors to try to fix this, but has now given up.
He got his first job when I moved out of my parents’ house and told him he could only move in with me if he had a job. He worked a crappy minimum wage job and complained every day. He never seriously listened when I said over and over that if he hates it that much we can look for something better. He has no skills.
When Covid hit, he quit this job to protect our at risk roommate. He started receiving unemployment, did what most of us did during quarantine- play video games and pretend the world wasn’t burning down. Eventually, I returned to work, our roommate returned to work, and he… didn’t. He’s still collecting unemployment, telling me that he’s making more money than he’s ever made before so it doesn’t make sense to get a job. He is still paying me rent. He has bought me presents for the first time ever too, previously we were teenagers or financially dependent young adults and his mom always bought presents for my birthday or Christmas. But it feels really gross to not get a Christmas present from him last year and now to have some extravagant presents bought for me from unemployment money.
He tells me he wants to get his shit together. We have a meeting every week to check in on progress (his idea) and work towards the life he wants but I don’t think he wants it anymore. He just wants to keep me, not to be a more functional person. He is really afraid of growing up. I am at the end of my rope. I’ve tried yelling, I’ve tried empathizing to a really intense degree, I have handled this with as much love as I possibly can. I don’t know what to do, I love him so much. I really just need him to go to therapy because I think everything else will fall into place, but he keeps missing initial appointments or not responding to emails from prospective therapists after we find them together.
Tonight he told me he’s so sad that I have so little faith in him, because I mentioned that it’s disheartening to come home from a long day of work and see him just waking up. I no longer think of building a life together because I don’t know if he’ll ever get there, but I comfort myself by saying that we’re just living in the moment and the future doesn’t matter too much at our age.
What would you do if you were me?
This is very specific so I honestly think there’s a chance he’ll come across this. If you see this, you know how much I love you. Anything I’ve said here I’ve said to your face, I just needed some advice.
TL;DR: My boyfriend has failed to launch, no job, no degree, no activity. I really love him and don't want to leave him, what do I do?
Submitted December 02, 2020 at 03:13PM by Soggy_Kaleidoscope72 https://ift.tt/3qk0JNU
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