Tl;dr A member of company leadership is treating me differently than other women/coworkers by putting cold things on me when I give him a no and texting me during group virtual meetings telling me to smile all while going around my boss to coach me and make career promises.
So a higher up (vague to make sure I'm not immediately identifiable... higher than my boss, but not higher than my boss's biggest advocate) has been treating me differently from others in the company, including the women.
My boss is well known for holding her ground. When I first started, the higher up in question liked to try to use me to get around her, knowing I was too new and timid to say no. Fortunately, I was smart enough to always loop in my boss. After he was called out (the higher up) for doing that, he maintained that he always wanted everyone, including me, to push back when they felt they should. I started to, and still do, but I have seen the "joking" he does to others who do (making nicknames, pulling others in, etc.). When I started to tell him answers he didn't like, he started to respond by putting cold drinks/items against my neck and arms immediately after and telling me to "put on my big girl pants" and not rely so much on my boss.
I ignored this because making a fuss against someone I know everyone sees as difficult but brilliant is a lost cause. Also, I've dealt with worse.
Then, I told him no on something, and he did it again. I told him directly putting a cold drink on me wouldn't change my answer. The next time, he pinched me. I said, "NAME, what the hell?" and he laughed and backed off. Never happened again.
Recently, I've been flying solo-ish as a manager. The higher up came in when I needed help and started giving me really good advice, really helping out, really coaching. But I also started (during covid) getting texts during group virtual meetings from him telling me to smile and asking what made me laugh. I asked some other women if he texts them to smile during those, and they said he never did. He's also got my calendar up constantly and asks me about almost every meeting.
I'm very uncomfortable knowing that and all he's done. Obviously, he's never made a weird move, and it feels like he kind of thinks of me as his surrogate daughter (I've met his actual daughter, and we're about the same age. She's really great, and is like, oh that's dad all over again about his weird demands)... but I don't think any of this is... kosher? My friends think it's sexual harassment. My husband thinks if I'm uncomfortable that I should make the decision on what I feel it is, but he's also obviously uncomfortable with it too.
Do I talk to my boss about it? Do I just jobhunt? We work in a very "HR is here, but don't touch them" kind of industry. I'm worried coming out will stall my career growth or that I'm reading too much into it.
Submitted October 22, 2020 at 09:05PM by burntpumpkinpie https://ift.tt/35s4oiV
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