I recognize this post is very sulky and I'm very sorry for that, this is such a stupid issue and so many of ya'll are having much bigger issues so I apologize.
Throughout my life I've been an outcast more or less, I can remember summers as young as 7, 8 years old where nobody invited me to anything. The only time I really played with other kids outside of school was when I moved to the city with my neighbors. It didn't really bother me back then because I didn't realize I was one of the few kids who never got invited to birthday parties or out to play.
Sorry for the long post but this is something that's been happening since I was a child, I'm not sure why. I've always been extremely social and have never had a shortage of acquaintances and generally feel well liked but even with my best efforts nobody has wanted to actually become my friend. I try and do things where I'll be around other people, play sports, go hiking on popular trails, get involved in various political groups.
The only way I've been able to have any meaningful relationships is through dating. If you went through my messages over the past two years, you'd maybe find 4-5 people who contacted me that weren't someone I was either dating or hooking up with.
As a pre-teen/teen Summers were some of the worst times for me, I never was invited to anything, I spent all my summers alone playing video games in my room or outside by myself. Every year when school started again I'd lie about how fun of a Summer I had so nobody would know I spent it online. I'd talk to pretty much everyone in my school about the normal things everyone else was talking about but nobody took an interest in me. I tried to extend it to them inviting them to hang at my house, go to football games, play video games or even but they never seemed interested in a real friendship with me I always had to panic whenever the teachers didn't pick groups for a project because nobody wanted to be in a group with me.
I played several sports throughout high school, was involved in several clubs but I never made a bond through them. Admittedly I had a little group I ran with, ate lunch with but whenever they'd hang out outside school I'd never get an invite. When people started having parties everyone would make sure to tell me the awesome stories about the crazy nights that were going on but I never caught an invite. When prom happened my date ended up not going with me because I didn't have a group to go with, so I never went to prom.
I was generally well liked and thankfully never bullied but I never had a friend.
Since then, I still haven't been able to make a friend. Not at work, not in college, not outside of it. I've taken initiative myself and go out, when I do I try to talk with people. There's been times where I'll spot someone wearing the shirt of a band I like and I'll compliment it to try and strike up a conversation but get a bland response in return. Then I'll overhear someone else compliment them on the same thing and the person gets excited then instantly sparks up a conversation with them.
I ended up going to community college after graduating where I just got a degree, I'm attending a University atm but am unable to attend in person due to corona.
I have felt like such an alien throughout my life because of this, "what kind of person has never had a friend?" I'm generally happy with my life now but there's been times where I've been extremely depressed even suicidal over this. It's hard when you see people you knew in high school hanging out all the time and you haven't even been to a bar before because no one is interested in going with you.
I spent my 21rst birthday sleeping in my car because I was too ashamed to tell my mom that I had no friends who wanted to go out with me on my birthday, i've done this the past five years.
I'm not sure what is wrong with me, I want to fix it so bad. I feel like I'm a pretty average person, I enjoy sports, video games, history, the outdoors, social activism and politics. I've had a multi year relationship with someone who had a large social life and I go on plenty of dates but haven't been interested in anyone romantically lately. But clearly I'm not average if not a single person wants to spend extended time with me if we're not in some sort of fwb or dating situation. I go out and try to meet people but nothing comes of it.
I'm just hoping that when corona's over and I move a few hours away from the city I've lived my entire life things will be different.
TL;DR Have been social and tried for years but haven't made a single friendship.
Submitted September 02, 2020 at 07:34PM by throwradumdum https://ift.tt/2Ds2Coc
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