A 4+ year friend (22F) and I (22F) had a huge disagreement that will forever affect my view of her, and she doesn't realize.

tl;dr: Friend and roommate claims that it's only fair for me to pay half of her rent, after I broke our lease for a job.

I moved into an apartment in my city with my college best friend (B) in July, and in a sudden turn of events I received my dream job offer in August that I had thought was no longer attainable due to COVID. For the job, I will be rotating locations for the next 2.5 years, starting and ending in my city... and housing is included for those years. Having had moved in exactly one month prior with B, I informed her every step of the way with my interviews and what accepting an offer would involve. An important detail to add is that before we started looking into living together, she was aware I was willing to relocate for work, and she stated "we can deal with that when it happens".

When I received the offer, I negotiated with the company for them to pay the lease breakout fee, and informed B of my decision to follow through with it. I offered to help her find a new apartment, as well as continue to pay for my half of the rent of our apartment for up to two months and a deposit for a new apartment and move all of her things for her. B was upset because she did not want to deal with the financial responsibility of paying for her own place (40% increase compared to our individual contributions), however she also did not want a new roommate. She specifically wanted me to remain at our apartment until January and decline corporate housing.

Throughout and even before this process, there were a handful of additional issues that arose:

(1) Before receiving the job offer, I had received another offer for an out-of-state company. They would have paid for the lease break and given me a $5k bonus, which I had mentioned to B. After our arguments about my dream job offer, I asked her what she would have done if I had accepted the out-of-state job, and shockingly she told me she would have expected me to use my $5k bonus to pay my half of rent for the full year (until June 2021).

(2) B wanted me to push my company to pay a housing stipend if I were to refuse corporate housing, and told me to inform them of the stress I put on my roommate. I would not do this because I feared a withdrawal of my offer, as they had already said no to stipends and I didn't feel it was necessary for them to know I had a roommate.

(3) She wanted me to tell our leasing office that my company would pay the buyout fee. I am very much a "don't ask, don't tell" person and saw no need for them to know this information. I told B this before we spoke with them, to which she became very upset because we would be "lying and not be telling the whole story".

When we went to the leasing office together, our agent told us that since we had just moved in, she would waive the buyout fee and allow B to move into a single unit without having to pay a new deposit or dues. B chose to do so. She would move mid-September, and I would pay my half of the rent until then, even though I would move in August to corporate housing. B was still highly upset about the financial burden, so I advised her to consider other apartments before staying in our complex, as I knew ours was decently more expensive - to which she refused, saying she loved our neighborhood. Also, that morning I had received my revised offer with the buyout fee listed as a "bonus", so I didn't proceed any further with informing my company of the waived fee (maybe worthwhile to note, maybe not, but the fee was roughly $2k, and my company gave me higher than this in the offer, "for fun" as they had said over the phone).

So I moved all of my things, cleaned extensively before I left, and moved. I helped her transfer all utilities to her name and reminded her to inform the office of the changes.

Which leads to the huge disagreement we had this weekend...

B and I hung out with some of our long-term mutual friends, and I picked her up on the way. None of them had known about our housing change or my new job. One friend greeted us outside and immediately asked how living together was, to which I told him it was complicated. We went inside and met with the others, and another friend asked me how I enjoyed living with B. Everyone was in the same room and curious, so I told them I received a new job offer that provided housing, so I moved out. The others asked about my job and eventually the topic changed. Later on, a friend asked me how exactly corporate housing worked, so I divulged some more information, saying they pay for my first 2.5 years and were willing to pay the breakout fee. B heard this and immediately said, "But our apartment waived the fee completely, so you don't receive that, right?" I thought I had told of this before, so I said that I'm still receiving it and she froze, before going back to what she had been doing before. It wasn't noticeable and the others continued their conversations.

The rest of the night went fine, and I decided it was time to break off. B and I left with another friend, who I offered to drive to their apartment down the street. As soon as the she left my car and closed the car, B asked me how long I knew about me keeping the buyout fee. I told her that there was never a question of me receiving it in the first place, and that I had thought I mentioned it before. She began sobbing and yelling and claimed the following:

- That I had been lying to her for a month and purposefully hiding information.

- That the extra money I received ($2k + "fun" money) was "free money" and that she deserved half.

- That I was being unfair to make her move when I could have used the "free money" to pay my half of rent or cover her first few months' rent at her new apartment.

- That I've left her defenseless and destroyed her entire life and caused her to fall into deep depression.

- That she never wanted to live alone and the loneliness of my empty room made her miserable.

- That I was still responsible for paying half of her rent, and that it was only fair of me to offer that.

- That she felt completely uncomfortable and miserable talking about living situations and/or my new job around our mutual friends.

- That she wants to be happy for me, but she can't.

- That I have lost nothing in this situation and she has lost everything. (I gave her half of our furniture, and am paying for my half of utilities/rent until she moves).

- That if the roles were reversed, she "would have never been able to screw someone over like that".

She talked over me whenever I tried to interject, but I was able to get sentences in here and there. I asked her multiple times what exactly she was asking of me, to which she claimed over and over that she wasn't asking anything of me, but then would continue by saying it was only fair for me to offer to pay this and that.

It took a half hour for me to drive her home that night, which meant a half hour of this conversation, and I honestly think that those 30 minutes were enough to ruin this friendship. I was calm and tried to stay as level-headed as possible, and I stayed firm in stating that the money was not "free money" and that I did not screw her over. I told her that I didn't think it was unfair for her to pay for her own place. I don't think it's my responsibility either to pay for half of it. I told her that I understood the financial side of things was more expensive than if I had stayed, but that I had made a decision to move out and that this is how life is sometimes.

I really was not that upset from this argument when it happened, but the more days that pass the more upset I am about her thinking that I had single-handedly left her in this position, and realistically I don't think she's as bad off as it seems (we make pretty much the same annually). I've come to think of a lot of what had been said as manipulative and insensible, and I don't think I can think of her the same anymore.

I went back tonight to grab my remaining things and she asked if I was joining her and our friends at trivia tomorrow. I told her I'm not sure... although I really have no intentions to again.

Submitted September 02, 2020 at 05:16PM by i-choose-science https://ift.tt/353EXWr