I live far away from my parents (mid 60s), and my sister (twin) lives in the same state/is able to see them more frequently therefore have a stronger recent connection. I went low contact for awhile last year because I was treated poorly while helping out when my dad fell ill (he's totally ok now) , then discarded when I needed their support the most due to unrelated mental health stuff. It was very sad but 100% what I had to do.
I eventually resumed contact around the holidays last year after a lot of space and tons of therapy. They perhaps began to wonder why I was low-contact and tried to start engaging me. They hadn't shown interest in my new relationship, but invited me to bring my boyfriend, a big step. They ended up really liking him which felt pretty symbolic. Since then it has been much better. Not always been perfect, but I love and care about them so much and try to cut as much slack as possible because they won't be around forever (my dad getting sick last year was a huge reminder of that).
I didn't see them for 10 months, mostly due to COVID, which made me sad from time to time. I tried not to dwell on it as a lot of people are dealing with the same thing and at least my parents are really cautious/healthy. I finally ended up visiting and felt immediate relief, but the annoyance immediately set in. Whether it was things like nagging me for not eating a proper lunch, basically raving about/comparing to my sister/ their friends kids the entire time, insinuating my changing plans on me at the very last minute, and suggesting I'm hypersensitive for not wanting to discuss a relative who said some very horrible shit to me while growing up.
When these types of things happen I will get super annoyed, conceal irritability, then find a reason to step out of the room then end up bawling for about 10 minutes because I let myself get annoyed about these things when the reality is that they won't be around too much longer, and they are overall loving and affectionate people in spite of the hurtful actions. If this is a one-off thing than it would be manageable, but it tends to recur multiple times during the visit. My boyfriend suggested that I try to make more frequent trips that are shorter in duration so that I see them more consistently (reducing guilty) but decreasing opportunity for extended frustration.
I'm wondering if I'm the only person who even as an adult child, feels these overwhelming conflicting feelings of frustration, sadness and guilt about parents' imminent mortality. Any insight would be appreciated.
tldr; I've had a stressful relationship with my parents for the past year, things are going back to normal but I get very annoyed while visiting then feel very guilty
Submitted September 26, 2020 at 11:15AM by ThrowRAGuilty_942 https://ift.tt/3mO78z4
No comments:
Post a Comment