My (20F) fiance (26M) told me that I should speak and treat him the same way I speak and treat my father

Yes, I know it may seem like we are too young to be getting married for some people. But in our culture people tend to get married in a young age.

We were in the middle of an argument trough WhatsApp because I am going out with friends and not visiting him. For context: we are not under quarantine anymore. And our country depends a lot on tourism. He lives in a touristic area of the country. And people from other areas aren't allowed to go there. They did this so they can open the borders for foreigners to come and travel here. But to avoid having big crowds the rest of the country isn't allowed to go to touristic areas. I hope this makes sense because English isn't my first language.

Anyways since quarantine started he has been asking me to go visit him. Keep in mind only essential workers could go out and the rest of us were only allowed to leave to go grocery shopping. He kept insisting I should go visit him. And I didn't want to. Now that quarantine is over he's asking me again to visit him. Knowing that cops are randomly stopping people and if we are in areas we are not allowed we can be in trouble.

That's what the argument was about. Him asking me to come and me not wanting to go because I think it's important following the rules.

In the middle of the argument I said something like "are you going to pay the 600€ (idk of how much the fee is I made that up) fee they could possibly give me? No? Then shut up about this" Yes I know not a very mature answer but we have been talking about this for two days on and off. He said something "look I'm not a very traditional guy, I don't consider myself strict. But your way of behaving isn't right for me. It's not appropriate" (This was because he didn't like the way I talked to him and also he was mad because I've been posting videos with girls drinking. I don't drink because of religion but sometimes I do go party with friends and they drink and I have no problem with this because I am not doing anything wrong)

I told him I don't think it's fair he tries to make me feel guilty for things my friends do and that if I live in a country where 95% of people drink, telling me to not go out with them is pretty much telling me I can't go with anyone. And also I said I don't really care if he's strict. If he isn't fine with friends drinking alcohol then he is the one who doesn't have to go out with them. If he is strict he should be so with himself not with me. Again I'm not doing anything wrong because I don't drink. So I don't get where's the problem. If someone could explain me this it would be helpful.

He then said "would you talk like this to your father?" And I said "why does it matter, you're not my father"

And he then told me "a husband and a father want the same for their daughter and wife. Which is the best for her and protecting her. So you should understand that we both want the same treatment and that the same way you respect your father you should respect me. And when I'm telling you that you shouldn't do something it's like your father was telling you this. "

Also wanted to add: isn't he supposed to be attracted to me? And that should be a big part of why we are together. And I come from a culture were the parents are above you. We are not equals. So saying this should be implying he doesn't see me as an equal. And also I don't think I need to be protected. I'm a grown and independent woman. But I feel like I'm over thinking this. I don't know.

I want to break up with him. I am genuinely thinking about ending things with him over this. We haven't done the formal proposal (he comes at my parents house and asks for permission, etc) he only proposed to me and we wanted to wait until we made the formal proposal to tell other people. So if there's a moment to break up its now. I'm overreacting? Should I break up with him over this? I would appreciate the insight of someone from the outside. And I would really like to see if you can understand his point of view because I can't. And I can't help but find this creepy (not sure if creepy is the right word sorry)

TL;DR my fiance told me that I should talk to him and respect him the same way I would talk with my father, because a father and a husband want the same for their wife and daughter. To protect her. I found this weird and almost creepy and I'm thinking of breaking up the engagement because of this. I am overreacting?

Submitted July 05, 2020 at 05:15PM by qwertydone https://ift.tt/2BFIA8N