My [18m] mom [50f] hates my sister [16f] for being the product of an affair dad [51m] had. My sister is really hurt my this.

So yeah, my dad had an affair with one of his ex-college students. I don’t know the exact timeline but he cheated on my mom, they separated at some point and he had a child with the other woman.

I also have a twin sister (Judy). I met my half-sister (Rebeca) when I was 10 and she was 8. We’ve had a pretty good relationship ever since, but Judy doesn’t have any relationship with her. I don’t think she hates her, but she has never showed interest in spending any time with Rebeca.

My dad lives on his own and Rebeca spends her nights either in his place or with her mom, with whom I don’t generally interact, but I don’t hate her or anything.

Mom, on the other hand, understandably does hate her (the mom) and doesn’t feel too good when she knows I’m hanging out with Rebeca. Most of the time she doesn’t know because I stay with dad and she’s just there too.

However, when she does know about her she invariably GOES OFF and raises her tone to tell me, once again, how dad cheated on her with an ex college student and how I shouldn’t ever interact with her “sl#t” mom. One time (I think about 2 years ago) I told her that no, I’m not gonna interact with her, I’m just seeing my sister (Rebeca), and she lost it.

She cried and told me “your sister is in her room right now down the hall, that’s your sister!”, referring to Judy. Then she went off for half an hour about how I needed to know who my family is and stay loyal to them, etc. This has happened several times over the years.

The last big fight we had about it happened a few months ago when I got home from a game with the basketball team. I had dropped Rebeca at her home so she’d get ready, and I’d go home to take a shower and pick her back up to go to one of her friend’s birthdays. I told this to my mom and again, a loud scene ensued.

I talked to Rebeca about it on the drive to her friend’s and she was visibly upset that my mom hates it when I spend time with her. That thought stayed with her all this time, because yesterday we were at our dad’s and she asked me if my mom still “hates her”. I told her we hadn’t had a fight about it again but she’s definitely still sore about the whole thing and it’d be best to not bring it up to her, ever. Rebeca didn’t say anything after that.

I’m sorry if this post is not very clear in what I’m trying to say, but the point is that my reaaaally doesn’t like Rebeca. And that’s just absurd, are we gonna hate a girl for existing? I mean, I get where all the pain comes from but how is it useful to grill me and only me over it every time I make even faintest of mentions?

I feel like she hates Rebeca by proxy and that’s just not fair. I don’t want them to hug and live happily ever after but maybe mom should be able to separate the other woman from her child who has nothing to do with anything?

I love mom but when she acts like this it really makes me think of her as a bad person. I know she was the victim of something horrible and dad is the culprit, but dragging this thing for two decades and only going off on your son who is just trying to have a relationship with his sister is literal W-T-F.

Is there something I can do so that mom stops going off on me about it? Is there something I can do so Rebeca doesn’t feel like her existence is some cardinal sin? How do I handle this situation so that mom is at peace at least with Rebeca, which is the only part of this mess that concerns me?

tl;dr: Mom absolutely abhors the fact that I spend time with my half-sister, who is the product of an affair my dad had. She has yelled at me many times over the years for maintaining a relationship with her, making my half-sister . What do I do to make this stop and help Rebeca stop feeling like mom hates her for existing?

Submitted July 02, 2020 at 12:04PM by MoussePuzzleheaded50 https://ift.tt/3dR7z6d