I can’t decide if my boyfriend’s behavior is extremely problematic or if my past relationship trauma is affecting my viewpoint

I can’t tell if my past relationship trauma is affecting my current relationship.

I (22F) have been dating D (23M) for approximately a year. He’s very sweet, he cares about me, and he always checks in to make sure I’m alright. Which is why I feel like I’m going insane.

Recently, there have a been a few issues. When I say recently, I mean all in the past 2 months - I didn’t sense any of this happening beforehand. The first issue was when he lied to me about where he was - he told me he was going to fix a friend’s television, and I found out later that he was at the birthday party of an ex-girlfriend’s mother. This wouldn’t have been an issue, except for three reasons: 1). He lied directly to my face about it, 2). He’s had sex with the mother before (drunken one night stand after they broke up, admits it was a mistake) and 3). I don’t think he would have told me if I hadn’t found out about it. He apologized profusely, and told me it would never happen again. I believe him.

Second issue: someone who is/used to be my friend also dated this man. She was always nice to me before, but now she’s nothing but cold towards me. I asked him point blank (I told him I wouldn’t be upset, that I wouldn’t be mad) if maybe “there was some overlap” between when he was dating her and when he started dating me, and he says he can’t remember. He can’t REMEMBER. He was in a relationship with this woman for four months. He admits to being in love with her, and he can’t remember when they were dating, even though it was less than two years ago. In his defense, for all intents and purposes, he DOES have ADHD - but I just don’t understand it.

Third issue - we both had a teacher in high school that, now that we’ve graduated, we are both friends with. He has a crush on her, and openly admits it. He talks about it, he doesn’t hide it. He talks about her AROUND me, in both a sexual and a romantic way. He basically alludes that if she wasn’t asexual, he would go for her. I’m trying not to be over sensitive, not to get my feelings hurt, but recently, every time I see him, I’ve cried at least once. Some background on me that is important: I have PTSD from a past abusive relationship. The guy in question gaslit me to the point where I questioned every thought that came into my head. I’ve been diagnosed with a mood disorder, and I’ve become very used to the possibility that I don’t see the world around me as it actually is, but rather through the lens of my own experiences. Still, I can’t help but think I’m losing my mind. I love this man, but I don’t understand what’s happening. My self esteem is in the toilet. Advice? Anything?

TL;DR: I can’t decide if my past relationship experiences might be having an effect on how I’m viewing my boyfriend’s behavior, or if there’s actually a significant issue

Submitted July 04, 2020 at 01:40AM by wordsbirdsandbones https://ift.tt/2C9t98z