Last summer, my wife got a copper IUD inserted. She has had lots of pain and issues along the way with the IUD, the most recent of which is that she feels like it make be out of place. She is going to the gyno soon to have her suspicions confirmed, but in her time leading up to the appointment, she has been dreading the pain of cervical dilation and the prospect of having to continue dealing with the IUD and all of its problems.
Our initial discussions about choosing a birth control method resulted in her agreeing to get the copper IUD - the only method we both were okay with. Initially she said no to condoms, and she has always been anti-hormonal birth control, which I totally understand. She has some mental health issues which she did not want exacerbated by the hormonal BC.
She tried to convince me to get a vasectomy, which I am very against because we definitely both want children down the line. I am unwilling to get one before children because of the chance of becoming sterile, not to mention the huge financial expense of a reversal. She also suggested natural family planning, but I am 1000% unwilling to have unprotected sex, even if she's tracking her cycle. I told her I'm unwilling to consider it.
In her time spent dreading her upcoming gyno visit, she spoke to her therapist about the issue, saying that she thinks she deserves a better answer than "I'm unwilling to consider it." We talked after her therapy appointment, and she kept pressuring me to consider natural family planning, but I told her absolutely not. I am not comfortable having unprotected sex because we are very much in debt and not ready to have a child yet.
I told her I am okay to use condoms, but she said I wouldn't be, then slammed the door in my face. We continued talking later and I got upset at her for pressuring me to have unprotected sex, then telling me that she apparently already knows I would hate using condoms. The worst part to me is that she still mentioned me getting a vasectomy, because they are reversible. If I ever push back on this, she mentions that her dad had her after a reversed vasectomy, so it's a viable option.
I have told her repeatedly that whatever birth control she wants to put in her body is fine, but that she should respect my wishes to not have unprotected sex or get a vasectomy. I have also told her a million times that if I could take a pill or get a male version of an IUD, then I'd do it yesterday, no hesitation. But when I bring that up, she talks about how misogynistic doctors have made it so it's the responsibility of the woman. That may be so, but I am not at fault for medicine's trends.
I just feel pressured by her. I don't feel as if my reasons or unwillingness to partake in natural family planning or a vasectomy are enough for her. She wanted me to do more research into NFP, but I'm still uncomfortable with unprotected sex. We are left with no mutually agreeable BC options, and I don't know where to go from here. She's very emotional right now so it's difficult to have further discussion.
TL;DR: My wife and I cannot agree on a birth control method to use going forward, and I do not feel like my reservations are valid in her eyes. I don't know how to approach the topic since she is upset and quick to shut down discussion.
Submitted June 23, 2020 at 12:58PM by shadowgnome396 https://ift.tt/2YspYlp
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