Hello! For context, my GF (25F) and I (28M) have been together for 4.5 years. We both live with our parents (about a 10 min drive from each other) and have been looking to buy a house since last year. Even put in a few offers. I met her a few months after she broke up with her ex (3.5 years). Overall, I think our relationship has been pretty good. We have argued time to time as expected, but have never broken up. Otherwise, she has had a rough personal time during our relationship. She has had at least 1 ailment each year (eye surgery, costocondritus, vehicular migraine), hated her job; also lost her grandma in 2017. I can see these events have taken a toll on her.
Since late March (lockdown beginning), we have been living in rented accommodation. It gave us a chance to properly live together and be with each other during the pandemic (especially before committing to a house). She also hates living at home (her mum), so 2 birds 1 stone. Overall, I thought it was going pretty well. I would like to think I am a pretty good BF. I cook for us a lot and give her presents randomly to show my affection. I don't say 'I love you' a lot, but I think thats who I am. I do say it though, and I hope it means something rather than it being said all of the time.
Fast forward, she hasn't been sleeping recently and has been speaking to her counselor a lot. She also works in wellbeing (as you can imagine, a mess right now with the pandemic), so has also been affected by that. She decided to stay at a friends for a few nights. I was like sure. I took her there and she came back today. I surprised her with flowers and chocolates on her return (just in case I did do something!)
We didn't speak much all day as we WFH, but I thought things were still ok. This evening, she sat next to me and it all came out. Back in 2018 (shortly after she lost her grandma), her and the ex started speaking more. It started out as happy birthdays, but they started chatting and even met for coffee. Nothing happened - they basically caught up (I do believe her), but I think a part of her wanted something to happen, even if she knew it was wrong. We were about to go on holiday at the time, and he ended up calling her confessing his love, asking her to leave me. I think she was confused, but she didn't, we stayed together, we went on holiday. I didn't know any of this until tonight.
More recently, he wished her happy birthday late March and they started speaking again, mostly initiated by her (she showed me all of the messages). She felt conflicted for a while, but this week, it seemed to escalate and thats when she moved out for support from her friend. She also spoke to him on WhatsApp (she was driving the convo entirely) and basically said she missed him, she never loved me, we are basically friends, even asked to meet for dinner. He said he has moved on and got a GF who he loves. They stopped talking.
She told me all of this tonight and the messages, as hard as they were to read, matched with her story, so I don't think she is lying. She said she felt really confused at the time, on her period, tired, etc etc and wasn't thinking straight. She also said it was a massive load off her back telling me they met years ago as she feels like she has been lying to my face this whole time (I guess she has), so has never been able to properly open up about our relationship.
This happened a few hours ago. I think I was ready to move on and forgive her for meeting him years ago, but reading the messages from this week sucked. I'm typing this from another bed and I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to feel like 2nd place. I appreciate the honesty finally and I don't want our time together wasted, but I don't want to waste more time if she isn't into it, especially as we were consideirng buying a house. Now that we're completely honest, maybe there is a chance? She didn't properly cheat and has already said she feels like shit for what she has done, but I am just a bit confused what to do next. I'm probably an idiot. I have never been very good with this stuff. Do I end it? Take some time apart? Give her another chance? Thanks.
TLDR: GF for 4.5 years reached out to her ex earlier this week who rejected her. She told me and showed me the messages. What now?
Submitted June 04, 2020 at 05:00PM by Fun-Mathematician-13 https://ift.tt/2Y6siwX
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