My FWB (25/m) wants me (22/f) to start contributing to bills/groceries because of how frequently I stay with him. Good idea?

Important context: we met in August, dated for less than a month and then he lost his job. Things were obviously tough financially and we mutually agreed to part ways because it was putting a strain on such a young relationship and we agreed to try again later if the timing was right. I found out I was pregnant shortly after that and we agreed to abort. The whole process/recovery really brought us really close together and we began seeing each other again, only casually. We do everything a normal couple does, and we are exclusively sleeping with one another. However, we are not “dating” and he is not my boyfriend. We have talked about maybe making it official at some point in the future, but for now that is where we are.

So I spend a lot of time at his house. He very rarely comes to mine because I have a roommate (that neither of us like) and he doesn’t have one. All in all, I’d say I spend about 4 nights a week at his. Sometimes we spend 4/5 consecutive days and nights together, but I try not to do that too much because we’re both introverts and need our own space. I don’t have a key to the place, but it’s been established that I am welcome any time and the door is always left unlocked for me. I contribute in small ways (helping clean up, take care of the cat, bring some groceries by every now and then) but nothing more than that.

But then 4 days ago the heat and hot water in my building went out. It’s been a long, complicated process of resolving the issue and I’ve been sleeping at his place until it’s fixed. Granted, two of the nights I was there he was out of town, so we did not spend them together. So today, he calls and asks if I need to stay at his again and I say yes. He says that he’s really embarrassed to ask this of me, but that he was hoping I could help out more financially because since he’s met me, his electric bill has gone up “as if another person lives there” and he spends more on groceries, etc. He says he doesn’t like to ask for help but because he still is starting his own business and not really making any money yet (so technically unemployed) he is putting his pride aside and asking for my help.

He said that he doesn’t ever want me to feel like I’m unwelcome or unwanted in the house and that he likes providing meals and other things for me, but that I “basically” live there so he thinks it’s a reasonable ask. He also said that he wants me to clean up a bit more when I’m there and treat the place as if it’s mine, not as if I’m just visiting. I thought this was a weird ask because I typically am much cleaner and organized than he is, I just never move things out of their place or go out of my way to clean because I didn’t want him to feel like I was intruding on his personal space or making myself too at home.

So I told him I would Venmo him some grocery money and we could work out details later. Then I called my friend and asked his opinion: he told me he would recommend that I not, under any circumstances, give him money. He says I should just buy groceries and bring them over more often or split the cost when we go to the store together, as well as clean and do chores more. But definitely no to giving him money.

Idk, guys. What do you think? I honestly think that it’s a reasonable thing to ask, as I do spend more time there than at my own house. My biggest concern is that it’s a slippery slope. Splitting groceries or electric bill costs when we aren’t even officially dating, let alone living together?? Thoughts, advice? All welcome. Thanks in advance.

tl;dr: my FWB thinks that I spend so much time with him at his place that I should contribute more to groceries and/or certain bills. I think it’s a reasonable ask but my friends say I shouldn’t do it unless we actually live together.

Submitted January 03, 2020 at 07:05PM by zimapatyushka https://ift.tt/2QnBgTS