I know it sounds weird but for the past six months I've taken to sleeping on the futon in the bonus room, rather than my own bed.
My husband (married 10 years) is a very loud snorer and nothing has been able to stop it. He does have mild sleep apnea but stopped using his machine years ago. I am, however, an extremely light sleeper. What's more, after being awoken, I can't get back to sleep.
The other ongoing issue is that my husband is very physically affectionate. This isn't a bad thing, but I have severe C-PTSD from being assaulted as a kid. It got really this year - in fact I left my family (we have kids) for two weeks to go a recovery center to help address it. I'm in therapy now, but I'm still very easily triggered. Shortly after I got back, my husband was a little...overzealous from missing me...and i got hurt. Nothing serious, and it wasn't purposeful but it was a big setback. Also when we do share a bed, I never know what I'll wake up to - and because of my history I'm never "in the mood" and waking up to a lot of physical contact is extremely upsetting.
Anyway since then I have been able to sleep in our bed. Partly because of the snoring, but partly because I can't help but feel unsafe. Not because of him, it's my issues. I have kids I need to take care of and I need what sleep I can get. I just feel better sleeping alone. We probably need to see a marriage counselor but he isn't on board. He has no idea I still see my therapist but I feel like it's important that I get some help so I can mentally be healthy enough to care for our kids.
I know that he is really hurt and lonely. He has told me many times that because I'm not intimate, it's hard not to worry that I'm being unfaithful - and that he isn't sleeping well because of it. I wish I could do what he wants every time he wanted me to, but I just can't. Anyway I'm working on it.
I feel like I'm kind of justified in sleeping in the bonus room because I can't help needing sleep. But my husband has a point in that lots of married people learn to ignore snoring so maybe I just need to try harder. In which case, techniques for getting used to it?? I have tried white noise, ear plugs, ear buds, everything!!
Tldr: Is it crazy and/or selfish to sleep in a different bedroom from my husband?
Submitted January 26, 2020 at 04:47PM by mrsdotoolittle https://ift.tt/3aLLgyo
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