Just over 2 years ago now, my son's father Dan abandoned our family, and moved to the other side of the country. Obviously, my son Chris and I were both devastated--Dan had been the breadwinner. I got pregnant with Chris when Dan and I were still in college, and we got married soon after.
Although Dan and I had separated briefly in the past, I didn't have any real reason to believe our marriage was anything less than perfect. Even Dan's mother is disgusted by what he did, and she help support me and Chris (she lives nearby). Dan himself seems to have no interest in seeing his son again. I have no idea what prompted this change in him; I still sometimes just break down crying over it even now. I still look back and try to think of what the warning signs were.
Chris recovered from the loss of his dad better than I did. He looked up to his dad in a lot of ways, but Dan traveled a lot for work, and didn't get as much quality time in with Chris as I would have liked.
Anyway, about a year ago, one of my friends from high school, Mark, moved to my hometown. One thing led to another, and Mark and I started dating. Now we are very serious about our future together, and even considering marriage.
Mark has honestly been a godsend. He has stepped up to the plate in so many ways: he has become like a father to Chris, and Chris absolutely adores him. But things have gotten out of hand, in my opinion.
Chris started behaving very strangely around 4 months after Mark and I started dating. Since them, he imitates almost everything that Mark does--if Mark uses a certain type of cologne, Chris HAS to have that type of cologne. He wants his hair cut the same way Mark does. He even wanted to dye his hair blonde to match Mark's. When I nixed that idea, he threw a fit.
And, even though Chris has always hated wrestling, he decided to join his school’s wrestling team because he knows Mark wrestled in college. In a way, it might be a good thing, because he needed the exercise, and Mark is able to give him pointers. But I worry that it’s part of a pattern of obsession. Also, my son's teacher told me that he has been signing his last name as Mark's, rather than my ex-husband's.
Not to mention Mark seems be encouraging it. At first, I was glad that Chris had a positive male role model, so I was happy if Mark picked Chris up from practice or hung out with him, especially because I'm working over night at the hospital a lot. But it's honestly gotten to the point that I think Mark spends more time with Chris than I do. It doesn't help that Mark inherited a small fortune--his house is frankly a lot more fun to spend time in than our tiny apartment. He's got a pool, a basketball court, an arcade, etc.. Of course, we've discussed Chris and I moving in many times, but given my concerns, I thought it would be best to wait.
The worst part is, it seems to be intensifying. A few days ago, Chris and I were spending the night at Mark’s, and I got called away to work in the middle of the night. When I came back, I found Chris sleeping next to Mark. Worse, Mark was naked (he typically sleeps naked). When I shouted to wake them up, they both acted like I was overreacting. I told Chris it was inappropriate for him to be sleeping like that with someone who wasn’t his dad, and he said, “Mark is my dad.” I didn’t know to respond.
I later asked him if he and Mark had slept together before, and Chris said that they do it all the time. I was so pissed off that I went to Mark’s house to break up with him. When I got there, he just treated me like I was making a big deal out of nothing.
I sometimes I think I'm going crazy for worrying about this. My friends all like Mark. My ex-husband's mother also adores him, and thinks Chris is just catching up on missed male-bonding time. Everyone tells me that I’m just afraid of something good happening to me. Chris does seem happier than he’s ever been. His grades are way up, and he’s taking better care of himself. I do have a tendency to over think things and to be overly skeptical. Am I the crazy one here? What should I do?
TL;DR My 12 year old son is spending a huge amount of time with my boyfriend. I’m worried that it’s too much and that it’s inappropriate, especially because they’ve been sleeping in the same bed.
Submitted January 04, 2020 at 10:39AM by distressedlady https://ift.tt/2FnpuSZ
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