I have spoken about this before, but I am more than sure about leaving. It’s just that, I somehow still feel guilty or sad. I wanted my family to be supportive, and I feel like I never got a stable family.
My mom is very dependent on me to the point where she doesn’t want me to become someone and just to continue doing whatever she wants. She doesn’t work (hasn’t in 20 years), so I have to constantly be buying food and stuff for her.
My aunt who I considered like a mother has become bitter and hateful. She will get upset at small things like not calling a place for her, or not doing her small favors. She will ridicule everything I do, from my second job (which is the start of my career) to the clothes I wear to the person I’m dating.
Not only that but she bullies me into working for her husband and his business where we over work (12hrs without stop) and will take away 60% off of our tips we make which is highly illegal.
I’m just tired of being inside a cage because I’m ordered to. I wanna do my own thing. Work on my career, go back to school.
I can’t let the opportunity of leaving go away. But I still somehow feel bad about leaving, not only that I’m scared about my aunt because she will say horrible things. I think I’m just sad because I know that they can’t become like other supportive people I seen from me serving at my uncles restaurant. I see mom’s cheering on their daughters or entire families celebrating achievements of their loved ones.
I never got that. The day I graduated high school my uncle made me work right after. I got off at 11pm and went home to sleep. My mom didn’t even say congratulations, nobody in my family did. My friend’s mom was the only one to tell me “I’m proud of you.”
I wish I didn’t feel this sad, guilty even. But I think it’s time for me to leave and start thinking of my own future and happiness. Instead of trying my hardest on trying to make other people happy when they can’t be.
I’m not sure if it’s okay to leave, but if I make a mistake I’ll deal with it on my own. I just don’t know how to deal with these feelings.
TL;DR: I’m moving away from town to pursue an education and better career choices. I still feel bad about leaving my toxic family and don’t know how to deal with these emotions.
Submitted September 23, 2019 at 10:06PM by WasabiIsSpicy https://ift.tt/2mPGrzu
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