Hey reddit I need some Input here. Also : no native Speaker, so please be gentle. TL;DR: MY bf left a few minutes after our Baby was Born, didn't come back for 2 days and does not understand I feel betrayed by this.
usually we (F35/M38, together for 3 years) get along fine and are a great Team. However every few months we get in a big fight over the birth of our daughter.
The birth of my first one was a Nightmare, lost a lot of blood, had a lot of pain, needed extra medical procedures afterwards. So when I got pregnant a second time, I was first happy but increasingly scared. I made my BF promise me every day during the pregnancy to be there for me and not skip out on us. I told him he Needs to stay with us through the first day or two after birth.
My daughter however decided she'd rather be born in the middle of june, so her birth actually fell on the very date mutual Friends had planned on visiting us. It was not planned they be there on the date of the birth, it was a coincidence. I also had an emergency C-section and felt like shit. So Baby is Born for abouth 30 minutes and bf asks me: can I go to work and the feed the stock (he is a farmer). Me - thinking he will hurry and I know the stock has to be fed nomatterwhat - replies : yes. Him: Can Friends still stay overnight? Me : yes
So he went and fed the stock and made additional cleaning in the house and bought groceries and spent some time with Friends. In the evening they all came and along and looked at the Baby for 10 minutes than left all together. No Chance talking to him in private, also I was still in pain. So my bf told me: I have to go but just say the word and I will come back (we live 5min away from the Hospital). Late at night it got worse , so I wrote a message: "please come I feel horrible and Need you." He was already asleep and did not hear it. I waited an hour or so and then I called. He was asleep. A Little later the Hospital called. He was still asleep. The next morning he read my message, saw that I had called, saw the Hospital had called and decided it was not an emergency because than they would have called again - and went to work. He did not call or message me. afterwards he had a nice brunch with Friends. He arrived when all was well again and after the guests had left.
Every 2 Months this whole Thing comes up. I feel betrayed. He usually brushes it off that he cannot change the past or it is my fault, as i should have called more often and used differend wording in my message. He acknowledged it would have been better, if he had been there when things were critical. I told him that I Need him to understand that I feel betrayed and that he is sorry About how it all went down. So he gave me "BUT" - excuses. "I am a man of my word and I would have been there for you BUT you could have called one more time/ wrote yet another message / shouldn't have allowed Friends to stay / etc".
So I have a grudge for all of this and I cannot get over it. I explained several times that I Need an honest apology. The "But"- explanations don't seem / feel right.
So, how do we get over this? Am i really unfair to him?
Submitted May 01, 2019 at 01:03AM by Pr0f4n17y http://bit.ly/2VcqtQB
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