This might be a long post, I don’t know, but I need advice or a wake up call.
Today I got into an argument with my little sister [11F] because she has been wearing and disrespecting (she’s very harsh with clothing) my clothing without asking me. She’s only doing this because my parents haven’t gone to the laundromat in months (they always let laundry pile up and never wash my or my other sister [14F] laundry so I went and washed mine today with my own money from my birthday money from two weeks ago). I told her yesterday when I found out that she had been wearing my clothes that as long as she asks me I will hand her something that I don’t wear often and don’t mind her getting dirty. I was upset because when I came home from the laundromat I found out that I hadn’t washed a few things because my sister stashed them. I asked her nicely to take my clothes off and to not do it again, but she preceded to provoke me by gurgling juice in her mouth (my mother was in the room and ignored the entire situation). She spilled the juice all over the clothes she was wearing so I got upset and panicked and began to try to get the pants off her, but she got defensive and started to attack me and threw her juice container at me and it spilled everywhere, even my mom. My mom gets upset and decides to speak up now, but then my sister keeps my clothes on. So now I’m upset and my sister and I continue arguing and I say that I’m sorry that you don’t have anything clean to wear, but it’s not my fault. Then my sister starts to insult me blah blah blah, but I didn’t get very very upset until she said “You don’t like to do anything that’s why you didn’t finish my hair because you didn’t finish it”.
For context, I am an amateur hairstylist and my mom made me do a very time consuming hairstyle for my sister last minute while I was applying for scholarships on Thursday. I got upset, but I still took my time and did it because I take pride in everything that I do and I don’t want my sister looking a mess for her birthday. The problem was that we didn’t have enough materials to finish the hairstyle so I couldn’t complete it in time. My mom must have gotten upset at the result and said to my sister that it’s because I’m lazy and didn’t want to do it right. This is when I got upset, I felt like it was an unreasonable accusation and an assassination of my character to say that I did something half assed because I genuinely didn’t and this is a recurring scenario where whenever I do less than what’s expected I get belittled or bad talked. They just made ASSumptions about me and ran with it. After my sister brought that up my mom came into the room and got mad at her and said not to bring her up in arguments when she’s arguing with her sisters, but my dad quickly chimes in aggressively and screams “but Maxion (me) was doing it to” and basically says that I was saying that it wasn’t my fault that the laundry was done and that I called my parents ridiculous (I don’t remember because I was upset, but I may have).
This upset me because this entire time my dad didn’t intervene into the situation at all when my sister and I was arguing and he didn’t even give my mom context when he started to blurt out things I was saying. I pointed this out to him and he basically started saying how I’m rude, disrespectful, and grown now so he doesn’t have to take care of me. He told me how it’s sad that I want respect, but I can’t give it to people He then proceeded to say how I don’t do enough housework and help my parents out enough and that I disrespected my mom even though she gives me everything and I should be ashamed of myself. Then he proceeded to say how he and my mom do not give my sister [14F, not 11F] any consequences whenever we are out of line and that only my two younger siblings [11F, 8M] get consequences for things.
My response to his arguments was that I’m a very busy high school student who has a lot on my plate and I’m never home. I think it’s unfair to crucify me for not helping out when I’m never here to help out and am overwhelmed with responsibilities. I do straighten things up when I see things getting too messy, but I still get accused of never doing anything. When I cleaned the living room yesterday and my parents didn’t see it because my siblings got it messy again, my dad called me a liar. I don’t know what to do to satisfy him in that department. I also think it’s unfair to claim I don’t get in trouble for anything when I do get into trouble I get yelled at, called bitch by my mom, my character gets assassinated, they refuse to make me dinner, wash my laundry with the family, and ect. I also feel like I chase behind my siblings all day to do the right thing (clean, do homework, watch appropriate things) more than my parents do combined, but only because my dad yelled at me for not doing more of this 7 months ago. Even though I always got in trouble for doing that. When I explained all this to him he called me stupid, said I sounded stupid, and threatened me to stop talking. I started to get upset and told him that he doesn’t do anything around the house, it’s filthy and he’s just lifting weights and shaving his face when there’s a million things that need to be done like laundry. If the laundry was done this whole situation wouldn’t have even started. I then told him that the only reason why he was so eager to have an input on the argument in the first place was because he wants to hurt my mom and I’s relationship. I also told him that I discipline his children more than he actually does. I felt like all of these things were true and that I was wrong for saying them, but I am so sick of being treated like I’m not good enough, like I don’t do enough, and like I don’t deserve things.
I don’t like my dad, he doesn’t even belong at home with us because of his domestic abuse case, but my mom allows him to stay. We have therapists, but my mom coaches us what to say because she doesn’t want us to say our dad still lives with us. Either yes, no, or idk. Over a year ago he yelled outside that “I’ve been a disrespectful little shit ever since I was taking dick” I was 16 and still a virgin. I’ve never been comfortable walking near my house ever since and It’s why I hide my boyfriend from my parents. My dad steals money from us, he doesn’t pull his own weight and he has a gambling + alcohol addiction. He leaves every bill past due (turnoff notice for light bill), my mom takes him shopping and asks for nothing in return, he has a girlfriend and spends my moms money on his girlfriend and thus things like my tuition and housing deposit didn’t get paid on time so I almost lost my spot at HU, he lies about literally everything, he only does things to gain an upper hand in an argument against my mom, he’s never had a stable job, he accused me of recording his conversations and showing my mom, he records my mom’s conversations and my conversations when I play Xbox with my boyfriend, and I don’t think he gives us a stable life and yet he gets to live a decent life avoiding any consequence that is put out for people like him. He’s beat us with sticks, punched us, and everything under the sun. I don’t think it’s fair for him to cry about consequences when he has been avoiding them all of my life.
Even though all of this is true, he’s still my dad. I have to deal with him for the rest of my life. If I’m wrong, how do I get better? I try being a more helpful person around the house, but that doesn’t satisfy anyone so what else can I do?
TD;LR : I got into an argument with my sister, she said something about my mom that got me upset so my mom got mad at my sister for bringing my mom’s name into the argument, but my dad instigated and said that I said some things about my parents that I don’t remember. We argued and he basically said that I’m rude, disrespectful, and don’t do enough with no consequences. I feel like I do my best considering that I’m never home and that the things he accuses me of isn’t fair considering he doesn’t do much himself. Am I wrong? If so, is there advice on how do I change?
Submitted May 25, 2019 at 01:43PM by Sea-Maxion http://bit.ly/2MaRyPW
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