My (25F) dad (60M) gave a speech at my older sister's (27F) wedding that confirmed he loves her more than me. I'll be getting married soon and the thought of him speaking at mine makes me want to cry. What do I do?

So, I've always known my sister was the favorite. It's painfully obvious, especially from my dad.

This is super petty but just to give a concrete example, I always had the smallest bedroom growing up. Which makes sense, I was the youngest. But her room was ALREADY bigger than mine, and then they decided to renovate it. They built her a second bedroom out of the attic with a grand staircase in her bedroom to access, then they cut out some sq footage from the master next door to build her a gorgeous walk-in closet. It was a 2-story, literal princess suite. I was mad jealous, obviously, but they always promised I could have the room when she went to college, and she's 3 grades above me so 3 years with it felt fair. Until she moved out to college and they changed their mind, saying they didn't want her not to have her room to come home to on holidays and such. So for 3 more years her 2-story suite sat empty and I was stuck in the tiny bedroom.

Lot's of stuff like that. But you write it off, you know? You always rationalize it in your head that they can't actually just love her more, right?

So, another tough situation, and again this is stupid, I know, was the annual daddy-daughter dances in high school. My sister and my dad loved them so much and I couldn't wait to get to go, too. My dad travels almost every weekend for work, so the fact that he'd decline shows to stay home and go to the dances with her was really important, you know? We didn't get a ton of his time with his job, so that mattered a lot to us.

Anyways, finally I get to high school and my first DDD (daddy-daughter dance) as a freshman was her last one as a senior. Most of the night they wanted to be by themselves and they were both pretty emotional that it was her last DDD, which I totally get and I gave them space and stuff!

But that ended up being my last DDD, too. The next 3 years my dad didn't decline those weekend shows even though he promised, especially my senior year, he promised he'd make it, and he didn't. And I know that sounds stupid but that really broke my heart.

Anyways, like I said, you rationalize it and talk yourself out of it. You can't really imagine you're just less loved than your siblings. Idk.

So at her wedding, which was so unbelievably perfect and amazing and she's so loved by so many people and friends and that already gives me anxiety in itself because I'm a much more introverted person with a small group of friends, not like my sister.

Anyways at her wedding, my dad gave his speech, and in it he was talking about how much he loved her and how she was his special little girl who he couldn't wait to dance with tonight. He said that he loved her so much, that growing up he actually turned down shows so that he could dance with her at all 4 of her DDDs, THAT'S how much he loved her.

I know, I know it's stupid. But hearing that...man that just felt like a knife to my gut. I was right in front of him at the main table and was trying so hard to keep smiling because everyone was looking up at us but I was so close to crying. He loved her so much he did something for her he couldn't be bothered to do for me. Even though he promised.

It was like, 20 years worth of fears and insecurities were all confirmed. I was lesser. I was unlovable, even by my own father. How do you come to terms with that?

I know it's so so petty but their wedding was 6 months ago and this is still eating me alive. My bf and I are probably gonna get married in the next few years, and just thinking of my dad giving a speech, or even our first dance together, feels like that wound is tearing back open and I just want to start crying. I know how sad it will make me, hearing his words while remembering his other ones, I don't think I can get them out of my head.

What do I do?

​

TLDR: My dad's speech at my sisters wedding confirmed my deepest fears that he loves her more than me, and now I can't bear the thought of him speaking or dancing with me at my own wedding and I'm not sure what to do.

Submitted October 26, 2018 at 09:08AM by canitakemybraoffyet https://ift.tt/2PnN9cB