TLDR: she wanted me to be more brave and break the chains that my homophobic parents put on me, but I could not do that since they pay my rent.
I (19F) have been dating this girl (23F) since six months ago (to be honest, at this time we would be completing seven). we know each other for four years (maybe five now?), and last year, when I was about to complete 19, we started to have feelings for each other. I really didn't know what to do at time, but things followed. we were in love, started a long distance relationship (she lives 9 hours distance) and have met in person em september, then november and december. I really love her, really do, and that's why everything is hurting now.
to be honest, we were fighting for a while. my parents are very controlling and homophobics, so they don't knew nothing about her, and the only reason we saw each other was the fact I'm no longer living with my parents for studies. they pay everything for me: the rent, the food, the language classes in college that are actually expensive (I'm not american, my college is actually free, but that language thing is an extra). so, I depend on they, and can't make really big decisions about seeing my girlfriend (now ex) on her town. we fight. a lot. repeatly, cause she wanted me to be more brave.
I just couldn't do that. for months, I said I needed a time to maybe get a job to pay for my stuff, but there's a lot going on. yesterdey by afternoon, I told her I couldn't go to her city even with my vacation going on and she disappeared. I know she was hurt, but I also was, and then we discuss again by night when she decided to show up. I confess that was expecting that somehow we're gonna break up soon, but not like this. not now. I can't stop crying, cuz really love her and none of us wanted this, but to be fair I think is the right decision. she don't deserve to be a secret. she deserves the best, the love and the happiness, and I just can't be selfish enough to take that from her. wanna be sure that she's okay, happy and realized even not with me.
but I'm sobbing for hours and talking to her make me feel worse. we both admited that feel sorry, that the break up is harder cuz we still have love and affection, and I keep thinking on that. don't know why I'm telling this, but I just wanted take it out from my chest. I love her and I gonna miss her forever since think that we're not gonna cross ways again. she is the love of my life, and I'm losing it
Submitted January 06, 2023 at 10:26PM by verityma https://ift.tt/VPRNeWj
No comments:
Post a Comment