I [32/F] think my parents [70/M&F] contacted my professional mentors [50s&70s/F], who have been avoiding me since. What should I do?

Hi all,

My dad, and my mum, but to a lesser extent, have always created smear campaigns about me and crossed all my personal and professional boundaries. As an example, my dad wrote a book about me a few years ago. It was full of personal diary entries and other private information. It was essentially a whole lot of projection and lies, and extremely creepy.

In 2017, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD. At the same time, my parents withdrew support for my PhD. I had two mentors (separate to my supervisors) - one in her 50s, and the other in her 70s, who were always very supportive of me. They were very disappointed I had to withdraw, and I just told them that my parents withdrew support and that they were concerned about my physical health. I have very poor physical health, so it wasn't a lie.

The support from my mentors continued - I met them on a work placement in 2012, and we bonded immediately. We would meet 5-6 times a year, and share lots of professional resources and so on.

I didn't tell them about my CPTSD diagnosis, or the symptoms and behaviour associated with it. At the time, in a family setting, my behaviour was pretty terrible, but I was also being abused. My parents tried to get me criminally convicted for minor property damage, but the judge determined that I was the victim of abuse, and my CPTSD had caused the behaviour.

I returned to my degree in 2019 after receiving treatment for CPTSD. When I returned for Christmas, I met my supervisors for lunch. They were distant and weird. Usually they would hug me and be enthusiastic about catching up.

One of them just gave me the cold shoulder and seemed very disinterested in speaking to me. The other made some weird comments. She asked me, randomly, out of the blue, "how old is your mum?!" My mum is 70, but she looks much older. This indicated to me that they had met.

When I shared ideas for the future with them, as I always have, she said "one thing at a time. Listen to your parents". Then, when I was telling her the date my niece was born, she finished the date for me (e.g., I said November and she said the number).

They dodged catching up with me for a couple of years. I asked if anything was wrong. They assured me that everything was fine. I told them I really valued my relationship with them and that I was open to speaking about anything. I asked my mum if she and my dad had spoken to them. She denied it.

I eventually saw them again a year ago. They finished the catch up by saying "well, best wishes for the future!" I didn't know what to say. I was diagnosed with cancer last year and they seemed totally nonchalant about it.

I found out that they're hosting a big lunch at a pub for Christmas for people in our field next weekend, and they didn't invite me.

I don't know what to do. There's a good chance that they've been fed total lies. I really valued my relationship with them, and I think they're terrific people. I'm so upset.

Is there any coming back from this? What should I do?

Thank you!

tl;dr Parents contacted my professional mentors and now they're no longer interested in a relationship with me. What should I do?

Submitted December 07, 2022 at 02:44AM by CarefulQuiet4164 https://ift.tt/zJIOZCf