My husband (33m) and I (30f) adopted a set of twins from a family member that didn't want them ( there's a lot more to it but this is the basic). The twins are still in NICU because they were very early and were exposed to substances ( not alcohol).
I had no prior children and am very excited to be a new mom. I couldn't carry children so this is something that I never believed I would have and am so excited. My husband and I have not missed a single day visiting ( I work there so I get to see them more but I don't work in that department, I work with women not babies). We have done everything to prepare at home for their arrival. My husband is thrilled as well. I've never seen him happier and he seems to be coming into his own with being a daddy. He shows pictures to everyone lol.
However it's kind of weird. Their biological mother has specifically said she does not want to be anything more than an aunt to them ( we rarely ever see her and she feels the same way about my children's older siblings, one another relative has and the others were adopted outside of the family).
I don't know if I should introduce my children as the half siblings of my other relatives child or if that's too confusing. I also don't know if I should mention them being adopted at all at the moment.
Inside the circle ( family and friends) are thrilled. My husband and I are both very close to our families so everyone knows what's going on. My mother and mother in law have been seeing each other twice a week to plan all sorts of stuff so they are insanely excited to be grandparents. My MIL has been calling me nearly every day telling me things she has found and her cleaning out the spare room for her new grandbabies. It has all been exciting for everyone.
However a few people outside the circle have mentioned they are too light skinned to belong to us ( I am native American, my husband is African American, my relative is Native & Caucasian and I'm assuming the biological father was African American). My husband thinks they will come into their color soon they were just too early in his opinion but I have seen that it hurts him in some ways to have to explain or for people to make comments like the children are not his or speculating that I had been with another man. Especially when he is so excited to show people pictures and that is the reaction he got. He says it doesn't matter but I feel like it matters on some level to him or it wouldn't be hurtful to him.
This is all so new to us and I'm sure all of this will be sorted and smoothed out in time but I'm not sure what to say now or if we should figure out some game plan for what to say when people outside of the circle have something to say.
Emotions are high everywhere though being new parents and all.
Tdlr- my husband and I adopted a set of twins through familial adoption. Most people inside of the circle know what's going on and are thrilled but people outside of the circle do not and we don't really know what to say or if we should say anything at all.
Submitted December 07, 2022 at 05:40PM by Trail-junkie https://ift.tt/bvHSFa8
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