my (F20s) biomom (F50s) says she is leaving her husband (M50s) out of the blue and needs me to buy her and my younger half-siblings a house with the money my parents left me, and I don't know how to say no

tl;dr - both of my parents are gone and my biomom (egg donor/aunt) and her husband have been like parents to me in the last few years, but out of the blue she said she's leaving him and she needs me to buy a house for her and my three half-siblings with the money I inherited from my parents. I have my own debts and life to worry about and she is very bad with money. I don't know how to say no without losing the only family I have left.

My biomom (donated eggs to my mom) did not raise me--I grew up with my dad and gestational mom (my biomom's older sister) in another state. My parents both died so, my biomom took me in during COVID after my school dorms shut down. I'm grateful to her for this, especially since she already had 3 kids to take care of. She seemed to really want to have a mother-daughter relationship with me even though she'd been my aunt growing up and it meant a lot for me to have that connection after my parents passed. Her husband (my uncle) is very supportive and quickly came to fill the vacant father-figure role in my life. I'm now back in my home state and have a lot of student loan debt stacking up from grad school but I inherited money from my parents that I was going to use to help pay off my debt and eventually maybe buy a house in the future when I get a real job. My biomom knows I inherited that money and that it's just collecting dust rather than being invested.

My biomom recently told me, out of the blue, that she's leaving my kind, stable, well-off uncle and wants me to buy her a house in the Bay Area so my half-siblings can still live near their dad and stay in their schools. She says I should think of it as an investment in my future because when my half-siblings grow up she can rent out their rooms and it'll give me a return on the money I "invested" in her house. She says that housing prices are just going up in the area in the future so I'll be able to sell for a lot more than I bought it for when the kids are grown.

She thinks that if she gets a job (which isn't going to be easy because she's been a stay at home mom for years and never finished high school because she got pregnant with her first child who isn't in the picture now) she'll be able to pay her "share" of the mortgage, but she wants me to pay the down payment for her. I don't know how she's going to pay for that and feed three kids and herself on minimum wage, if she's even able to find a job at her age with zero employment history. She has gambling issues but fancies herself an investor. She has taken out loans and then gambled them away on Crypto and risky investments or at literal casinos before, and then I'll get a call at 2am asking for money to bail her out before my uncle finds out.

She keeps stressing how I'm her daughter by blood and she just needs me to chip in and I'll get a big return on my "investment" later when her kids grow up and I can sell it and that this is the best thing I can do financially even though I will never live in the house myself. She won't accept help from anyone but me. She says it's the best thing for my half-siblings to live near their dad and stay in their schools and all of their activities. I do love them and want the best for them, but this will mean having to change my entire career to afford my student loans. I feel like I owe her after all she's done for me, but money doesn't go as far as she thinks and I am going to need it to start my life after grad school. I've even told her they could all come stay with me in my state (much cheaper) after I graduate if I'm able to buy a house here by then. But, she's adamant about having them stay near their dad and their schools. Maybe I am being greedy.

I don't know how to tell her no without her thinking I'm a selfish greedy ingrate who doesn't really see her as family. I don't want to be cut out of my half-siblings lives. I also don't want to have to take sides in this divorce, even though I'm not blood related to my uncle. I hate what this is going to do to my half-siblings. It feels like I'm losing both of my parents all over again.

Submitted September 03, 2022 at 09:28PM by eggdonorthrowaway2 https://ift.tt/mnLrswT