My boyfriend asked me to lose weight but isn't losing any himself even though he's heavier. I'm [F28] and he's [M32]. How do I handle this?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months.

Over Covid I transitioned to work from home. All the physical elements of my job were outsourced and I took on more responsibilities that could be done online. This combined with my gym being closed, cold winters, and less to do, I've gained eight.

I'm 5"2. When we met, I was 135 pounds. When he asked me to lose 4 months into our relationship, I was 140 pounds - all the dinners our and stuff had stifled any progress towards getting back to my precovid weight. I wasn't ever fat or technically overweight, but I was certainly straddling that border and the heaviest I've ever been. Not healthy, and so when he asked, I wasn't offended. I already knew and I didn't mind a push.

And how he asked - the typical Redditor suggestion - "How about we lose weight together." I took the hint, I wasn't offended, agreed enthusiastically and immediately made some switches I could make long lasting - cut the Starbucks and make my own coffee and cut juice. Make good solid breakfasts and dinners, with lunch being healthy left overs or healthy snacks.

Now I'm back down to 125 pounds. The hardest part was exercising but overall good for my health. I picked up 30 minutes of walking and stuck with that for weeks regardless of my other physical activity for the day.

I'm thinking of signing up for a marathon and using that 30 minutes daily to run instead. But it's so hard. So far I'm turning the walk into a jog just twice a week. I figure slow progress is still progress.

And I turn to him - he had lost nothing. He didn't even try. He still stuck with our Starbucks routine, instead bringing me low calorie options (which I still liked), but he'd get drinks that were hundreds of calories for himself. He goes to the gym twice a week and things that's what fitness means - but it doesn't negate all the poor dietary choices he makes.

For example, today I ate an egg, some bacon, coffee, and an apple for breakfast. That was my biggest meal today. He ate a bacon and egg sandwich (180 calories extra on white bread), a tangerine, a chocolate muffin (230 calories), and orange juice (60 ish calories). His day was filled with pop and sugary snacks. My snacks were vegetables and fruits until dinner.

I understand that men generally eat more than women, but he's not a healthy weight. In particular, he's got a very large Santa belly. It's even affected our sex life because he can't do certain positions because his belly doesn't allow it.

According to his BMI, he's overweight at a BMI of 28. He has a history of being obese, and I think because of that, being in the "overweight" category is good enough for him.

I love him and I don't think he meant to be offensive in asking me to lose weight. But he didn't do it together with me like he said. He was supportive of me but isn't doing anything himself. I was enthusiastic about the result of being a fit couple together, but his idea of fitness isn't weight, diet, or health related - it's simply weightlifting with 0 cardio twice a week. He literally thinks that makes him fit.

What I keep thinking is - "you're not the only one who wants a partner with a hot body. If you can ask me, can't you at least keep your end of it?"

And meanwhile, I'm here, not just shedding excess weight, but actually trying to get fit even though exercise is, in my opinion, the worst (blah blah of course it's healthy but it SUCKS for so many reasons, not the least of which is having to blow dry my hair after each shower which takes so much time).

TLDR: My boyfriend asked me to lose weight by saying we should lose or together, but he hasn't. I'm worried that he doesn't think his weight is a problem because our ideas of fitness don't match, and point out that difference involves spelling out that he is in fact overweight.

Submitted July 03, 2022 at 10:16PM by justaskingmm https://ift.tt/0ETu64o