We've been together for 2 years. I'm at the age when I'm starting to think about marriage. But, lately, I've been worried a lot about my marriage life if he stays the same.
My bf is an artist. He's a singer, a music recorder, and an event organizer. He's very talented in his work. Never slacks off in his work. He's a very affectionate and easy-going boyfriend. Mentally healthy, not toxic or defensive at all. I feel at ease when I'm around him.
But my bf never plans things ahead, no long-term plans, he's very spontaneous. From what I see, he only likes to do things that he's passionate about, like his work. But he's just totally different when it comes to daily life responsibilities. Mostly, he only does things when he feels like it. I'll give you guys a few examples:
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He never does housework unless I specifically ask him. He always listens to me and tries to do it but I have to remind him over and over again! Even after some serious talks, I assigned specific housework to him but, most of the time, he never does it on time! I always have to remind him or even nag him to get things done. Like, I asked him to wash all the dishes in the sink every day before bedtime because letting dishes pile up until the next day is just unhygienic and unorganized. Ocassionally he will do it on time. But, most of the time, he will forget/ get lazy and only does it the next morning or even in the evening next day if I don't mention it, which is way over the deadline we set together.
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If smth breaks in the house, again, I'm also the one who has to point it out to him. Even after pointing it out, he just forgets or gets lazy about it if I don't remind him! Even after reminding him, there will be excuses like I've been too busy, I'll do it tonight, then tomorrow, and so on. It can take up to a month or even longer if I don't keep rushing him. You know, even when he kind of tried to see what kind of light that broke, at that time, he didn't know how to remove the recessed light from the ceiling (a type of lighting fixture installed into the ceiling or wall) then he just stopped at that, he put away the ladder and returned to our bedroom to scroll on his phone. He didn't even think of watching an instruction video on Youtube! Only when I asked him how it went, he told me the situation, I asked him "Then why didn't you search for a video?? Now we can learn anything on the internet, don't we?" Only then, he said he will do it.
You know, this is just to name a few. I can't list out everything.
Then what is his role in this house? I'm starting to question all these things. Idk if he'd be able to mature and change for the better? Because I see that he always listens to every problem that I tell him. He agrees and accepts his shortcomings, he tries to change but it only lasts for a short time. Then I have to run after him to remind him again.
Then what if we have kids? I'll still be the one who has to oversee and organize everything from finance to my kid's daily routines, education, and so on? How about after giving birth, will he voluntarily take care of the baby for me to get more sleep if I need to without me having to demand it?? (I'm 50/50 about having kids, I asked him if it's ok to be childless, he said he doesn't mind. So even if we have a childless marriage, is it still worth it?)
The key point here is that I'm starting to feel like his mom. I don't feel safe enough to depend on him if smth happens because as you see, things never get done unless I point them out (I work and I've been the main breadwinner in the last 1.5 year due to Covid 19, his jobs got affected, he's only started working again lately in the past 2 months).
I've never had a family of my own, that's why idk if I should marry this kind of man and just try to be more patient and compassionate with him since no one's perfect? Or is it just a guy thing to have problems with planning, organizing daily tasks in general? So I would love to get advice from married folks as well. Much appreciated.
P/s: My previous post got deleted due to TL; RD. I'm not a native speaker. Sorry if this was too long.
TL;RD I've been feeling like his mom lately so idk if I should marry him because, overall, he has a good heart.
Submitted July 14, 2022 at 09:20PM by foxxie18 https://ift.tt/IEqYtay
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