I (28M) and my supposedly infertile (28F) fiance, fell pregnant 2 months into our relationship. 3 years later and I'm struggling with resentment.

Hey reddit, I want some help dealing with the resentment I’m feeling towards my partner. This is my first ever reddit post so if I need to alter anything please let me know.

Backstory: My Fiancé and I have been together for 4 years now. Prior to dating she told me that she was infertile and unable to have children, she had also been having unprotected sex with multiple partners for about a year prior to meeting me with no pregnancy scares. My previous Girlfriend was infertile too, we had been having unprotected sex for 12 months so I knew the deal and what to expect in terms of living a life without children, the possibility of adopting, or just looking after fur-babies, etc.

My Fiancé and I both done the smart thing and get tested for STD’s prior to having sex. Once our negative results came back, we started having unprotected sex together it was magical. Some of the most fun I have ever had with someone both inside and outside the bedroom.

I was still nervous about possible pregnancy, and after I brought it up she agreed that if she ever did fall pregnant that she would abort it. Two months after meeting each other she began having stomach pains and it was bad enough that she needed to be rushed to the hospital. The doctors done some observations and it came back that she was pregnant. Damn. I almost fainted. She was nervous but saying she was kind of excited but I was filled with dread.

She began planning for the babies arrival right away. She didn’t want to lose her one chance to have her “miracle baby” and gave me the option to either stay or go knowing that we hadn’t planned for this, but she was keeping the baby either way.

I thought about my options. I could either leave and not really know my kid and pay child support, or I could give this “happy family thing” a go and try make it work out anyways. I decided to stay, and we have since raised an almost 3 year old baby girl.

Today: My issue is that I have never really been able to shake off that my life felt robbed from me. I went from a well paying job for my lifestyle, carefree and lots of spare time to being a single income household that sometimes struggles with the bills. I feel lately as though I’m all work and no play. She has barely worked so that she can spent more time with our daughter.

While we have some great moments and memories together as a family, I have some days where I almost wish I never met her. I could never wish away my beautiful daughter who is just the biggest daddies girl and so much fun. But I cant help but harbor resentment for her mum. We have had a lot of stress in our relationship and I think that has made us toxic towards each other. We don’t resolve issues properly and we spend less and less time together in our spare time. I asked her much later about why she told me she would abort and then change her mind, and she said she just promised that because she thought it couldn’t happen. Great.

I don’t think she is a monster though, quite the opposite, I just think we are two stressed out parents trying to make it in the world. She is thoughtful, beautiful, and a great mum when we are at our best. But when we are stressed, I cant help but resent her for our difficulties.

We are especially stressed at the moment because I am in the middle of a career change/ moving house and she has just had major surgery and has been recovering for 3 weeks straight now. So that is likely the reason I feel compelled to reach out for support.

My question is how do I deal with this toxic resentment I get for her when things get tough? Am I justified feeling this way?

Thanks for reading. I’m happy to answer questions to provide more context.

TL;DR - I resent my fiance of 4 years when things get tough, because she told me she was infertile but fell pregnant 2 months into our relationship and kept the baby.

Submitted June 30, 2022 at 10:00PM by Obz_m8 https://ift.tt/hXPej5H