We both live in completely different parts of the US, so visiting doesn't happen often. But she's mentioned it again recently, so I need some advice on how to tell her I don't want her coming here.
My cousin(28f) visited last year for about a week with her daughter(8f), and it was a horrible experience. She has an 8 year old daughter who is very unpleasant to be around, and on top of that my cousin does not discipline her at all (I mean, not even gentle parenting), so it's awkward trying to set my boundaries around her in regards to my own baby.
I was excited to have them at first when she told me she was coming to where I live. It was very last minute when she decided she would come here, so I couldn't ask off of work in time from my full-time job, and I still had to part time at my apprenticeship. Even though we wouldn't really have any real time to hang out, she'd already bought the plane ticket so I would have felt bad telling her no, and I hadn't seen her in years. That was my first mistake.
I was honest with her and let her know because it was so last minute, she'd be spending a lot of her time just sitting around at my house waiting for me to be off work before we could go out and do anything. (She doesn't drive at all). She seemed cool with it. I hadn't spent any time around her child since she was maybe 2-3 herself, so this time was very different for me. First thing my niece does when my 2 year old cuddles up to her mother at my home, is push him. I saw it all happen. She pushed him off my bed where my cousin had been sitting, and he falls and nearly hits his head against my closet. What made me even more angry is that my niece immediately said "Oh! I'm sorry! he fell!" when she turned and saw I'd seen it.
My cousin didn't bat an eye. I told my niece, "Be careful with him, he's smaller than you." firmly, and left it at that. I didn't feel comfortable calling her out at the time. I thought, "kids will be kids, be calm". My 2 year old was so happy my niece was there, he wanted to do nothing but follow her around, show her his toys, chase her, and just play. My niece then got into the habit while she was there, of taking whatever he was playing with, holding it up high out of his reach and then throwing it and saying, "Go get it, doggie!" and laughing because my son would run to get his toy wherever she'd thrown it. She's also just say, "Come here doggie!" and make sounds like you would if you're trying to get an animal to come to you.
It was annoying for me, but my son saw it as a game and was just laughing and playing along, so I didn't push it, so long as she wasn't putting her hands on him again. But that was her the entire week being there: going wherever my son was (even when he was content playing alone), taking his toys and having him chase her so she could get his attention. It got to the point where sometimes when she tried to do it, he'd snatch his toy away and shake his head and say "no". At that point, I'd tell her to leave him alone that he didn't want to play. She would pout and have a tantrum about it saying she's bored. She would even do this in public when my mother or sister took them out anywhere. And her mother would never try and stop her from running and acting out, and would just act like she didn't hear what her child was doing.
My sister even tried to play games with her so she wouldn't be bored. My niece would try to cheat on purpose, and then cry when whoever played with her would start winning. Her mother would just laugh and say, "She needs to learn how to lose sometimes". My niece would ask to watch my movies while I was away at work and she was at my home with her mother (I would leave my son with his grandmother for the day) and I would come back and all of my movies would be all over the place, never put back where they belong. I even had to force her out of my room once because it was late and I wanted to go to sleep, and she refused to leave my room because she wanted to finish the movie she'd started before we'd gone out. When I told her I wanted to go to bed, she crossed her arms and sat on my bed like she wasn't going to move, and her mother of course did nothing. So I told her again, "Please leave. I'm going to bed now." and her mother finally called her over to the guest room.
When they left back home, me and my entire family were relieved. She just recently randomly said, "_____said she misses you guys and wants to come down there again soon." I said nothing to that message and changed the subject.
I'm afraid she's going to reach out to me again and ask me point blank if she can come back down here. I've thought of ways I can word my response to her, but can't think of a way that doesn't hurt her feelings.
TL;DR- cousin has a bratty child and wants to come over to visit again with said bratty child and I'm not sure how to tell her no
Submitted January 31, 2022 at 10:59AM by Pale_Werewolf1103 https://ift.tt/EzLtb42ks
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