TLDR; My ex is a transwoman (mtf) and switched 5 times saying she was and then wasnt trans. she knew before we got married and only told me when we had our daughter so that I wouldnt leave.
This story is very complicated. I will change small details for privacy but I will do my best to make it understandable. I (29) cis-woman married to my Ex (30) trans-woman (mtf) for 6 years. When we started dating she didn’t tell me she was trans. I knew them as a man. She told me that had a “phase” and that her ex-girlfriend made her think she was trans but that she had worked past it (more on her later). I didn’t understand so I just accepted her word.
A month before we got married she had a “stroke” and was in the hospitalized
(found out later that she lied and the doctors knew she was faking symptoms)
We got married a year and a half later and then had our child after another year and a half. After I had known my ex as a man for 3 years she told me 4 days after giving birth to our child that she was trans..she knew she was trans before we got married and said she waited till we had a child so that I wouldn’t leave her. I was a hardcore christian and was not a lgbt ally. I became broken.
I couldn’t tell family or friends what had happened as she didn’t want to come out and I was afraid they would react poorly. I became depressed. Postpartum was a factor. After a few months she said she had DID’s and that her “female persona” had come out. I readjusted my perspective. But it didn’t last. She got drunk a few months later and told me that she was still trans but that she told me she had DID’s because she didn’t want to lose me. The status quo hadn’t changed. I decided to evaluate my beliefs and became a lgbt ally and decieded to finishe my education so that I could get a better job to support my family, my ex and my child. I joined the army and we started to do some couples counceling I told her I felt caught between a rock and a hard place as I had married and known a man for 3 years. While I did appreciate that I got my life on track and educated myself and was taking steps to take control of my life and care for our child I felt it was only because of a betrayal of trust.
I found later that she lied about medical symptoms to have me help with childcare while I was doing full time schooling.
After 3 years of telling me they were trans and after we had enough time, money and resources to get what then needed to start HRT she still wasn’t moving forward in her transition. I was becoming more depressed and told a friend that while I would support my ex but I dont feel that I love them anymore and that they were just someone I had to take care of. I found out later my ex overheard that conversation and she said that she wasn’t trans and that she had worked it out herself and knew she was a man and that she wanted to be there for our son. I told her to take her time and to be sure as I didn’t want to go back and forth anymore and I didn’t want her to stay with me just for a relationship. Then the last straw happened ( I won't go into that one as it is super personal but basically gaslighting) I ended the relationship. When we ended the relationship and got a divorce she claimed to be a man…that lasted for about 2 and a half years and I found out 11 months ago she says she is trans again and that she has been in therapy for a year and is on HRT and is out to family and friends. We will be telling our child soon about her. She still knows my ex as her dad.
My ex lied about having medical conditions to benefit her. She lied about her ex-girlfriend (which I won't go into for her privacy) and she read my journals and personal documents without my consent or permission. I was gaslighted. Lied to betrayed and I feel used by my ex either for our child or that our child was used to keep me. She even called herself a glorified babysitter when I became the breadwinner.
Telling my story is complicated and draining. It's a huge part about how I became a better person at the same time it destroyed everything. I don't think I could ever love or trust again.
How can I claim who I am when it's just a story of how she took advantage of me. I don't want her to be a part of my story.
Submitted February 07, 2022 at 12:07AM by Constant-Midnight290 https://ift.tt/6wVkHq2
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