I'm (54M) in the early days of spending time with and getting to know a new partner (46F). I've been curious about her for several years but I've always been in other relationships until recently.
The complicating factor here is that she is a breast cancer survivor and had a single mastectomy about a year ago. She's not had a sexual partner since the surgery and feels rather unsure of herself as a result. I've let her know that it really isn't a big deal for me, that I am incredibly attracted to her exactly as she is and care about her.
We are moving pretty slowly, and have spent several evenings together now with lots of cuddling and kissing, touching, mostly led by me but being very attuned to where she's up to. She's grateful and keen for this opportunity to move back into exploring sexual intimacy and connection again, but it is a slow process, requiring a lot of patience!
She loves the close physical contact and the co-regulation of our nervous systems through cuddling and kissing and it is very soothing and healing for her.
The other night I caressed her breast, having asked her if that was OK and receiving a positive answer. She seemed ok with that and the kissing, cuddling and caressing continued for a little while thereafter before I went home.
The next day she shared that she actually went into a frozen trauma state sometime after that and had a fairly poor night's sleep as a result and still felt edgy the next day. There was no drama or blame and she fully acknowledged that she consented to being touched that way but that she was surprised how activating it was to her and pretty sad that she feels blocked and stuck around this issue.
We met again and discussed ways to move forward, with maybe her being more explicit about exactly how, when and where she wants to be touched. I'm OK with this and welcome it as I don't really want to walk the tightrope of not knowing whether my actions are going to shut her down.
Right now I'm slightly torn between supporting her through this and also wondering where this might be going — remember I've had a crush on this woman for several years now and it's pretty amazing getting to spend time with her and getting to know her. She's a pretty amazing woman and we're very suited in many ways. So far it's felt like a privilege to create safety and trust for her to bravely explore this issue with her.
I don't think I've ever been a "rescuer" in past relationships, that's really not my style. But I'm realising that by continuing to move forward with this woman, that there may not be much room for my needs for some time to come.
This is just something that is on my radar as we move very slowly towards more and more physical intimacy. I think I am OK with that, I'm going into this with my eyes wide open but at the same time am starting to feel a need to maybe find a way to express my needs as well, out of a concern that things might end up being very one-sided.
Any thoughts on approaching this situation with a very sensitive (and brave) woman navigating her re-entry into physical intimacy would be appreciated.
TL;DR Early days in a new relationship with a 46F post-single mastectomy. How do I (54M) navigate her insecurity around her body image?
Submitted September 23, 2021 at 03:43AM by discard9090 https://ift.tt/2XL8dAf
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