My bf(M38)is a perfectionist and thinks he is smartest man in the room, often he talks to me(F27)in a condescending tone when we disagree.

For context my bf of 3 years whom I share a child with has moved in with us in July. After the initial phase of settling in, I noticed there are some big discrepancies forming between us. For the most part we agree on parenting and what not. However, my bf has the type of personality where not only is he a perfectionist, but he can be overly aggressive and outspoken. If someone says anything about that or is bothered he is quick to say ‘That is their problem and he is secure in his own skin’ or ‘No one can make you feel anything’ he uses these two lines a lot when we disagree. He also has been called out at his previous line of work for being overly aggressive and confident. Recently he started a new job and kept sending me texts about how incompetent his coworkers and superiors were compared to him. To which I lightly noted they’re paying him so just do the work. His constant volunteering of information and responses/being the grammar police got him a ‘touch base’ meeting on Day 4 of his job. In which he was politely told try to listen more and it’s not a competition.

I have things I am working on and seeing a therapist for that are family related. For example growing up with a n mom who still very much affects my life with her lies and manipulation. No surprise my bf cannot stand her.

Here is where the problem starts.

Let’s stay I do or miss one thing. Like today our two year old daughter wasn’t tired or cranky so I didn’t put her down for a nap. When he found out he became very upset and disappointed with me, highlighting the fact I didn’t try and making me confirm I didn’t try. To which I responded I didn’t feel it was necessary because she wasn’t tired or cranky and functioning well, she slept in and she’s getting older. There was some tension and he replied ‘I don’t do excuses or inaction, you didn’t try’ but then we went on about our business. We were suppose to spend some late night time together after the kids went to sleep, he brushed his teeth and I mentioned oh I guess we aren’t having that late night snack huh? To which he replied it was the last thing on his mind.

When I asked if he was agitated with me it turned into an argument in which he hyper focused on the fact I didn’t try to put her down for a nap. As well as the fact he had to refill the pet bowls, one of which I had already done but it had hit empty in another part of the house without knowledge. (this shouldn’t had been a ig deal considering the room he works in houses one of the bowls with food and I have been putting more effort around the house since he started working to make things easier) He raised his voice and became very upset and angry that I missed those things. When I tried to talk to him about how his condescending tone, aggressiveness and know it all behavior makes him unapproachable when we disagree on things not just to the world around him but the with us too. He immediately shut the conversation down by calling me my moms name which was triggering because of how my mom treats me. If I give him feedback i’m the conversation he will quickly say oh I am interrupting him making his point.

I’m starting to notice a pattern in how he disciplines, and he will often make a big deal out of situations like this even with my children if they disobey or do something undesirable. He will raise his voice and over do it with verbally discipline them firmly (Never cursing or hitting) but enough that I can tell that my oldest 6 year old daughter looks very uncomfortable, or feels like she did the worst. It worries me. I will also find myself getting flack for simple things like letting my kids use their electronics before I was even ready to serve them any food in which I remove all stimulus in which I get called out and told I am taking the convenient way. Or the time I gave them both one munchkin before dinner.

TLDR: my boyfriend is overly aggressive at times, over confident, and will hyper focus on all the things I did wrong in a day. When I try to discuss them he will label me as defensive, unmotivated or full of excuses. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I am walking on eggshells .

EDIT: Well, he just changed all the passwords on his devices. And we talked about things again, and his words: “You talk about marriage but honestly you’re so far from it and need to work on yourself. If we didn’t have kids right now I’d be gone with all of your red flags.”

Submitted September 04, 2021 at 08:52PM by ItsAnonCat https://ift.tt/2X0eiYS