Did I [32M] overreact by breaking up with my girlfriend [32F] of 2 years after finding out she's a monster at work?

I've lived with my girlfriend for almost a year, almost dating for 2 years. She's a surgeon, I got out of medical school later in life and I'm doing my residency/internship (sort of both in Sweden) at her hospital now, where she will be doing some teaching. Things were generally a bit shaky in our relationship on my end up until this point. In the beginning she felt stable, smart, strong, kind and beautiful. As it went on however, I noticed she could be cold and distant to other people, including my important friends and family. She would go to any gathering and be quiet and shut down any conversation with people. When I asked about it, she said she's shy and in some cases she didn't feel comfortable. My attraction to her also waned quite a bit the last year, to the point I thought something was off with my hormones. I noticed her make less an less effort to be sexy or initiate sex (when she did, she plainly told me to roll on top of her), quitting the gym and gaining weight and such. Spats over meaningless things were had as well and resolved, the usual. She generally tries to enjoy my interests and I hers, but they're pretty different and I'm actually a bit bored with her lifestyle which is nothing but fine dining and wine.

All my doubts aside, I was still going ahead and hoping things were only gonna be better with time and effort. I worked on helping her feel more comfortable in any way I could. We talked about kids but I felt I wanted to wait until my employment is more stable.

Here comes the day where we do simulations and medical training. First week at a new job. She absolutely ripped into my group - people I'll be working closely with for 2 years, over the tiniest details that doesn't matter in the big picture - especially with fresh doctors learning the ropes. She was nasty and so unpleasant, didn't even look anyone in the eyes as she raised her voiced and exploded. No one else training us had this manner and contrary to it - everyone is super nice and small mistakes are not blown up. Not gonna go into the ins and outs of it, but it was directed at everyone and also me at my evaluation, her superior didn't agree and was very calm as we went through cases. She scared the shit out of everyone. In an environment where the job itself is rough and stressful, you can't have colleagues that yell at you and act like assholes. Mistakes are handled from a place of support where it's appropriate.

I was utterly disgusted and baffled by learning she was such a monster at work. We went home, I talked to her about it and she didn't even realize she was doing it. She literally couldn't see the way she was conducting herself. I felt horribly embarrassed by being associated with her and decided to break up. She's devastated and says I'm the only good thing in her life, how she's better with me, she blames growing up quickly and promises to do therapy.

I don't think I'm ready to stick in there and find out. I've tried already with her, as well as other ex-girlfriends and got burned expecting change. Should I consider something? I feel terrible for destroying her happiness but I feel I should consider my happiness first.

TLDR: My life is a Greys Anatomy episode right now. Found out my girlfriend is a monster at work that berates others. We instantly broke up because I see very little possiblity of her changing. Am I being too harsh? When do you just give up and stop giving people chances?

Submitted September 05, 2021 at 12:50AM by Otippat https://ift.tt/38GiwXQ