Hello everyone, I feel wrong asking some advice about this because I already sound so shallow and rude, but I don't know how to come to terms since there are other things that is making me feel hesitant with this relationship, so here it goes - (WARNING: LONG)
I (f/24) went on a dating app not quite sure what I was looking for, but I just wanted to see how the conversation went with others and see from there if there may be a potential connection. I happened to connect with Jared (m/29), or it was him who connected with me. Jared put at front since the beginning that he was interested in me and wanted to potentially go further in a serious relationship (since day 1). It was blunt of him, ngl, but I continued to talk with him after he respectfully understood that it would take me time with getting to know one first. After 3 weeks of communication via phone and message, we finally met in person. Spending time with him was great honestly, and although we are very different (ex - he's an extrovert, very blunt and straightforward, while I am the total opposite), we happened to connect very well at the same time communication-wise. I guess the word "natural" was present in our vibes, and we were just comfortable with each other even in the first official meeting. He stayed for about a week and we met everyday to spend time with each other (alongside with his friends). Some things I liked about Jared was his confidence in himself, and how well he treated me. Again, our conversations flowed well which was also another enjoyment I had in our connection.
While hanging out, Jared happened to ask of my previous relationships, and he would start comparing with himself, telling me that he would be the best one for me, that he would make me remember him as being the better man, sexually, physically, and emotionally. While I was flattered, I also let him know that anyone could say that and it's better to act on it than say it.
After a few days, things started to get heated as we got intimate along the way, but each moment it occurred he would stop mid-way and say that now wasn't the time, that there was a time and place, and sex wasn't everything. He never went further and although it was difficult for me, I was patient and appreciated him by waiting since I thought it was also better that way to wait. Turned out he had the urges too, but knew how to control it. This would happen for a few more days until one day he gave in and wanted to have me go down under him. Before that though, he started giving me an explanation that he was not circumcised, and so the tip would often hurt him. He kept telling me if that would be a dealbreaker and didn't want this to be the reason for us to separate. After letting him know that it was ok to not be circumcised and all, he pulled down his pants and what I saw, I did not expect by how small he was. I'm going to be honest, I was shocked and intimidated because I have never seen that size before and didn't know what I could do. He told me to blow him, but to be careful of the tip. Like I said, I didn't know how to please him and was scared to hurt him. He was about 2 1/2 - 3 inches (width about 2 thumbs together), and I could only use my thumb and index finger to wrap around him. He also wanted me to finish with my mouth but I just couldn't do it since he was still soft. I felt like I was touching a young person or boy and it just felt wrong. I also accidentally touched the top tip by a little and he was already in pain, so I told him that it was best to stop due to that (although I also did not want to continue further). I gave another go the second time it happened, and he would say sex would come way later since it would hurt him, but he would pleasure me in other ways (using hands for example). After the first time however, he kept telling me he was glad he found and met me, and he sounded relieved.
I don't know how to feel about this. I feel like a rude person right now for being unsure just because of a body part, but I couldn't see how sex would be involved if we go far especially as he said sex wouldn't happen for a while. I understood that it would hurt him and that he doesn't get hard once it hurts, but it seems like this would be difficult since I do enjoy PiV much more than being touched. He's also very thin in body proportions and his arms would shake easily when being on top of me, so he would prefer to lay down. It did turn me down :/
Aside of sex, there were some moments where I found him to be rude. For example, each time I wore lip stick he would ask rudely why I kept putting lipstick on. I told him it was to moisturize my lips, yet he would continue to say it multiple times until he said it loud in front of his friends. It hurt my feelings and he did apologize, but I didn't understand why something very little would bother him, and it's only been a couple days. He would also make remarks of my comment, saying how what I said made no sense and some moments it made me cautious of what to say and not to say. But when I confronted, he would begin to worry telling me "I don't want this to end what's been going on between us". We also ate Korean bbq and he would ask me to order for him instead of him ordering for himself and it just made me see him as a child for some reason. Other times, he would be on his phone. Idk, there were just some few odd moments like these which I questioned of, and this all occurred in a week.
We're still communicating now and he's very much interested in me. He said he'll be back to visit me and made plans to visit me often, as well as that he seems to already mark us being exclusive. Overall, I do enjoy talking with him, but I don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship with him. I don't know how to tell him that though. I would give him a chance but it seems really difficult already due to some of the things listed, as well as the intimate side. :/
What can I do about this? Am I being selfish for my reasons of not wanting to go far into the relationship just yet?
Tl; dr: Guy I met online has a small size, and there were a few moments while spending time where he was rude, and I don't know if I am ready to go further in with him. Are my reasons understandable, and how can I tell him?
Edit: spelling errors
Submitted September 06, 2021 at 08:40PM by cyberflowher https://ift.tt/3jLO7Om
No comments:
Post a Comment