TL/DR: Wife is explicitly messaging a guy she slept with a LONG time ago; we have a kid, and I don't want a divorce. I feel like rolling over at this point.
Posted this on relationship advice, and I didn't get great answers. Can this sub be better? I don't want a divorce.
So, I found out my wife has been creeping on some guy she banged for like a week at a point when we broke up 15 years ago. We have a 2-year-old kid and I'll admit our sex life has not been great. Anyone raising a toddler can probably attest to this. Both of us gained a bunch of weight during her pregnancy and post-birth because she basically became a hamburger-eating machine and I just ate whatever was leftover. We both got to the point of being overweight, not obese; up from just "normal" BMIs. She lost it while breastfeeding, which ramps up metabolism to 3x the normal. I however have seemed to keep most of the weight on. I am 37, so my metabolism isn't what it used to be and I take care of our kid pretty frequently because I can work from home, mostly. I'm usually just too busy or tired to haul my ass to the gym since it reopened.
So, I see all these Facebook messages where she is dumping on me to this guy saying how fat I have become and how she has sexy fantasies about him and shit. They are pretty graphic and, if I may say so, pretty unhinged-sounding, as well. The guy also seems a little weirded out (as in he has stopped responding).
My wife doesn't have to work, I make all the money and provide everything for her and my daughter. We live in a nice penthouse because my wife wanted it; our daughter has an indoor play place because my wife wanted it; she spends about 500/month on top quality bud because she wants it. Basically, I let her do what she wants so long as it is within the budget (i.e. bills paid and some put into savings). On top of that, I cook, pay for a cleaner to come once a week, and watch our kid while she "unwinds" from doing nothing. So, I brought this up and she just launches into the most disrespectful string of shit about how I am fat and I disgust her. Before the baby, I was 186 pounds (6 feet tall). Now I am about 217 pounds. However, let's be real here, she stopped shaving her legs and armpits after the baby was born because it was too much trouble. I am not a huge fan of it, but I basically didn't say anything. I assumed we were past the point of this childish stuff and into the business end of raising the kid we agreed to have. Apparently, all those agreements are off, as are basic manners and decency. Is this a phase or should I be prepping a lawyer?
Also, I work overseas, so in the case of a divorce she can literally whisk my daughter away to the US at any time and I will basically pay for a kid I get to see once a year. That is not even counting the fact that the courts will make me pay alimony while she "gets on her feet" and I have to pay for all her legal fees. I don't really know what to do with her, because I adore my daughter and want to be with her as much as possible. Kicking my erstwhile wife to the curb means I will lose a lot of access to my kid. I still love my wife, and would just like her to be on the same page as me. Any thoughts beyond "go to the gym"?
Submitted April 30, 2021 at 12:59PM by DatThickassThrowaway https://ift.tt/3aTfAss
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