My(m18) Parents yelled at me because I don't want a graduation party at my house during Covid, so they're gonna invite 40+ people from church instead

I don't really like celebrating anything about me. I'm cool with holidays, but nothing where I'm the focus from personal things that have happened in the past where my parents used my birthday(s) to examine a lot of my friends and tell me afterwords which ones I should keep and not, and she's done this numerous times. She'll complain about petty things such as "worldly" (as she calls it) topics my friends and I talk about, but her biggest gripe is people who disagree with her decision to homeschool me for 12 years

She's forced me to cut off parents of friends I've met at sports (and tried to get to know and hang out with) after talking with their parents while watching us play, and getting offended by something or an opinion that is different from hers. She's done this by refusing to drive me to their homes when I was younger, or insulting the parents to a degree where they wouldn't allow their kids to hang out with me anymore. She's even insulted her outer family who disagree with her decision to homeschool in large part because of our Great Grandma who walked with MLK, but they say that her decision to homeschooler "after everything he fought for" is disrespectful and like a slap in the face, and they've even gone as far as to call her "not black" for doing it... something that I disagree with and take my mom's side on against them calling her that, but she's stopped going to Christmas and Thanksgiving with them, and when my dad asked if we could start seeing his family instead (we always went to my mom's for both, we never alternated), she said no and that we'd be spending it as our own family at home going forward, and my dad has pretty much stopped asking about it

To add more context to the "not black" thing... outer family holds it against her that she didn't vote for Obama in 2008 and 2012, and during 2008, my mom accused them of "only voting for him because he's black" and "disregarding everything else about his stances". When she talked to me about it, she told me that we "have to vote by people's policies and not just because of a skin color", and while I don't want to make this about me or my political beliefs, what she did in 2016 kinda made me look at her as hypocritical

In 2016, she made an effort to tell outer family that she was voting for Carson (before switching to the 45th) to perhaps try and offset what they said about Obama, in my opinion, and she would call them on the phone just to tell them that. The reasons she didn't like Obama was because she said she disagreed with his stance on abortion, and she would take time in my school day to tell me her reasonings, saying that "God will punish America because one of the things God hates is abortion", and she's compared it to how "China treats female babies" and "how China's now having problems" sometimes too. She also disagreed with his stance on gay rights, since she's told me that "people will stand before God as the way he originally made them" and constantly complaining about "how gays are trying to shove it down our throats, when they know that it's been wrong for many years until recently"

Something I battle with often, is wondering how smart I am, compared to other kids in my grade because of stuff she says like that. I won't get into it too much because this post isn't supposed to be about that, but a lot of my classes were graded on "if I agree with her stance" on things from sex and purity to politics and many others, but again, that's for another day

For the reasons mentioned above about how she always goes out of her way to destroy my friendships, I've stopped having people over and introducing them to my friends, but she'll get really angry and demand to see my phone if I ever drive somewhere without telling her who I'm seeing, and it gets on my last freaking nerves to say the least. I've lost so many friends because of her at past events, events that she'll have, just to examine who I'm hanging out with, and she got very angry when I told her that I don't want a graduation because I know what she's playing and am tired of it

However, she told me that she'll be inviting dad's men's group and some people from her women's group and other leaders she knows (dad's on the trustee board) to have a celebration instead, and that I'm not allowed to invite any of my "wordly" friends when I wasn't going to have anything in the first place. Ignoring how she's already trying to invite 40 something people like she's had for past gatherings before covid times, I think it's really selfish for that reason, but also another. I think she only wants to have a party to celebrate herself and her decision to homeschool me, from people in our church where our homeschool group is located, and my dad wants me to speak and is planning for some people from the homeschool group to honor my mom with some sort of ceremony, and I really don't want to go at all, but she's forcing me and dad is too

These are the same people who she's told bad things about me to, telling them in the past that "I've walked away from God" because I have friends who listen to wordly music and don't attend church, when she'd much rather have me only have friends in youth group, and she also got upset when I didn't want to become a helper in Sunday school, but that's unrelated

I just feel trapped and don't know how to tell her that I don't like/want celebrations, because of how she's always embarrassed me and used them to take away my friends numerous times in the past, and I'm hoping to find suggestions/advice on how to take a stance or say no in a way that hopefully won't get me kicked out or punished or something

TL;DR: I don't like celebrations from past parties/birthdays when my mom has used them as an opportunity to "evaluate my friends" and then embarrass me by insulting their parents for various things including (most often) disagreeing with her decision to homeschool me for 12 years and telling me that I can't hang out with them when I was younger (numerous times) or insulting their parents to the point where they don't want me to hang out with their kids anymore, and for that reason, I don't want a graduation party. However, she's inviting 40+ people from church to come over during covid times instead, and she's forcing me to go when I really don't want to

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Edit:

I really want to see what else is out there, opinions, besides hers, and I want to go to college farther away, but here's my dilemma that I wrote to someone else, but before I get to that, my mom said that I'm not going to receive any of the money for my graduation because "I didn't want my own party with my friends", so instead she's turned it into this validation party for her homeschooling where some sort of mini-ceremony will be done by our homeschool group leaders from church, and she will receive gifts and stuff instead...

I didn't include this in my main post, but I also have a job that I'm working (retail) that allows me to get out of going to church on some Sunday mornings, but she's gotten into a fit about me missing 2-3 Sundays occasionally and has asked me to get another job that doesn't interfere. I told her no, and she's just been really upset with that too, and she's refusing to really help me with my college because "I don't put God first" and "still want her money"

I'm applying for other jobs too, but I only have this one at the moment and would rather not lose it, but sometimes work days are stressful because she's upset at me for working when I return home, and I have no financial support from them for college at the moment

Submitted April 10, 2021 at 04:28PM by Throaramagazine https://ift.tt/3s5s8Ty