So I have this friend in university, me (F21) and him (M19) have recently fallen out over him crossing my boundaries. We have been friends for almost a year but have been closer friends the last few months. He was walking me home one night from his flat to my house at about midnight. I have PTSD and get very paranoid about walking home after being drugged and assaulted last year which he knows about, hence he walks me home. When we were walking he reached for my hand and grabbed it, I freaked out instantly about it as I have a boyfriend and I wasn't sure what his intentions were, so I pulled my hand away. He grabbed my hand 3 times after me pulling away. I tried to stop him doing this by putting my hands in my sleeve or putting my phone in my hand but he kept going for my hand after I pulled away. When he did this I put my keys in-between my knuckles as I began to feel unsafe. I should have said something but I was freaking out about getting home safely and also about what his intentions were with me. When we reached near my home and after me pulling my hand away from him 4 times he then grabbed around my waist and pulled me in, thankfully by this time I was almost at home. After this happened he texted me how lucky my boyfriend was to have me and how he would never find a girl like me which freaked me out more. He picked up on that I wasn't ok as I was being off with him but what annoyed me most is that he started messaging my best friend talking about the situation, that he grabbed my hand gently and that meant it was ok and lying about what happened. My best friend of course defended me. A few days before this incident happened he started to act a bit weird with me like being overly cuddly, stroking my thigh, head, asking me to stay over etc and saying inappropriate things like he wanted to spoon etc. I also got angry with him a few days before hand as he kept commenting about my relationship saying things like I deserve better and I'm not happy, which I told him off for.
I feel like an idiot as just before this happened he had an argument with one of his mates about crossing her boundaries and refusing to leave her room, he didn't really tell us much about it. I've found out similar things to what has happened to me has also happened to at least 4 other girls e.g not letting them leave a room or following them around (I didn't know about this until after the incident with me happened). I'm debating on if I should report him to the university?
One of my mates had a talk with him about how to respect peoples boundaries which I do appreciate and hope he learns from but I don't know if I can trust him anymore?
Most of my friends seem to have forgiven him and I'm finding it hard to. I'm trying to be civil and seeing everyone be ok with him is making me think I'm being dramatic and paranoid?
Edit: He apologised to me and said he wasn’t doing very well mentally, hence he did it. I feel bad for him that he is struggling with mental health but I don’t find it as an excuse to do what he did. He preaches about women being safe on the streets and for men to respect us yet he did this to me and 4 others? I just don’t believe anything he says and I don’t think I can ever trust him again. He would keep on messaging me after this incident when I asked for space and I ended up having to block him. The way he was talking just made me feel guilty cause he was saying he kept saying he’s struggling mentally.
TL;DR: My friend crossed my physical boundaries and doesn’t seem sorry for it. What do I do about it? Should I forgive him?
(Had to repost this as the original was deleted)
Submitted April 20, 2021 at 03:22PM by 22TrueBlue https://ift.tt/3arPUDe
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