I have one child from a previous relationship. My ex was a manipulative abuser and unfortunately because of our child I will never be able to completely remove him from my life. Having a child with him was by far the biggest mistake I ever could have possibly made. Divorcing him and fighting over custody cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars and years of sanity.
I was lucky to meet another man almost 4 years ago who is the complete opposite. I didn't even think this level of compatibility was real. He's my best friend. I've never met anyone else who makes me laugh so hard, or who makes me feel so loved and safe. Also our physical relationship is off the charts. In my marriage I just assumed that sex gets boring after a while but with my current partner it just gets better and better. We agree on all the important issues, like religion, money, etc.
Before quarantine I kept him at arm's length from my child. They knew about each other but I didn't want her to have parent figures going in and out of her life. But when we had to decide whether to quarantine together or separately, we agreed to all quarantine together (at the time initially I thought it would only be 2 weeks or so). And over the last year things have just gotten better. He is amazing with my child, we cohabitate without squabbling about cleaning or bills, and I feel so fucking lucky getting to lie down next to him every night.
When we first met he said he had no real opinion about having kids. Over time he said he could probably be fine either way. But yesterday he sat me down and he said that getting to know my child more over the last year has shown him that he wants us to have a child together.
I am reeling at this. I thought I was done having kids. It's hard for me to separate my feelings about having kids from my feelings about having kids with my ex. My ex was and is a terrible father and I have to co-parent with him forever and it's a fucking nightmare. He was totally unhelpful when our child was a baby and I remember being SO EXHAUSTED. Part of that was because I had no help but I think even parents who do have help feel the same way.
When I think about getting pregnant, giving birth, and years of being sleep deprived, all over again, it feels like a hard no. It was so miserable and I feel like I can't put my body through that again.
But I also don't want to lose this man who I and my child both love so, so much. Putting myself through heartbreak is one thing but doing it to my child, who has been through so much already, feels gut-wrenching.
I don't know what to do. Is this something that we have to break up over??? Or maybe having a child with him would be so different from doing it with my ex that I should seriously consider it? I think deep down I am terrified that he'll also turn out to be a secret psychopath just like my ex and I don't want to trap myself in the same horrible situation I'm already in. What should I do?
tl;dr: Love of my life decided he wants to have a child after all and I don't think I want to have another. Should I break up with him now or try to change my own mind?
Submitted April 10, 2021 at 04:08PM by TheoryCharming https://ift.tt/3a0WKPS
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