Just a note, some of this might be very triggering. My ex was ten years older than me, I met him five years ago. I lost my virginity to him. He was/is a textbook narcissist, lied to me about being single when he actually had a pregnant partner, even sent me messages pretending to be her saying "He and I are not together so I don't care if you're with him" to set my mind at ease -- sent from a phone he purchased for the sole purpose of deceiving me (he ripped off her real voicemail message and recorded it onto the new phone so that it seemed realistic).
When the baby was born, he came to me and told me he was so sorry, that it had been a huge one-off mistake, that he wished he had "just gone and slept with a prostitute or something instead, because at least then there wouldn't be this extra child to worry about". This man is respected in his field and well-liked in his community, as far as I can tell, which makes his comments about his own baby even more repugnant.
He also pretended his deceased mother was still alive for several months after her death. He would go into detail about how hard it was caring for her and how she didn't have long to live -- when she was in fact already deceased, and he was only drawing it out so that he would still have an excuse to leave early or to not be fully present ("I have to go care for my dying mother").
We were involved for five years with lies of this kind happening the entire time. But what is haunting me now are things he told me regarding his six-year-old daughter. I guess I want to get some perspective on whether any of it was normal or whether I am right to be disgusted and concerned. He would shower with his six-year-old, he had custody of her on weekends, and he would make weird comments telling me he wasn't sexually interested in her -- something nobody should ever have to clarify, because you would surely take it for granted that he wasn't. He also said the six-year-old child had asked to touch him "down there" and that he had told her no but "thank you for asking, because you always have to ask" -- he framed this like it was a lesson about good touch/bad touch, but it just came off as totally creepy and wrong, as why was she asking in the first place, why was that even a thing?
I am so triggered by anything to do with him -- I have just moved to a different country because of him, but still feel panic when I see a car that looks like his, even though my rational mind knows he has zero idea of my whereabouts. I am only on about day five of no contact.
How do I get beyond this? Am I reading too much into the creepy things he said about his young child? I know he is gone from my life forever -- he has swiftly moved on to a woman who is fifteen years older than me, and she also has a seven-year-old daughter -- but he took five years of my life and also my virginity, and I feel somehow tarnished, and confused, and lost.
Edit - something I had forgotten about that I want to add. The night before his six-year-old's birthday, when he and I were still together, he came over to see me and was holding me in bed. And he suddenly said to me, "It's your birthday tomorrow" -- and then quickly added "Oh no, haha, that's a bit wrong." -- I ignored it, didn't get it, tried to forget it even happened, but have just remembered it now. Odd and weird and I don't even know what.
Tl;dr trying to get over trauma from emotionally abusive ex (four days into no contact) -- does his behaviour sound as bad to you as it does to me?
Submitted April 02, 2021 at 10:15PM by ProudGuard4214 https://ift.tt/3dwUi4q
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