How do I (32F) back out of potentially being an maid of honor to a re-planned wedding without ruining the friendship (33F)?

I (32F) was asked to be the Maid of Honor at a wedding for a friend (33F) that was planned for October 2020, which got cancelled due to the pandemic. I'm not a best friend or longest friend of this person by any means (known her since 2017ish), but we had been friends most recently in a new city we had both moved to and met in, and I was one of the first and few to know her and her fiance since they got together, so I think that drove her choice in asking me. They have since moved to another state out east and the wedding would be out there.

When she asked me, I was a new first time mom, and naively thought it wouldn't be an issue since I did not request much of my own maid of honor other than a speech. This ended up being waaaaay different, and I was expected to coordinate this massive 30 person, multi day bachelorette party (in another state!), while also learning how to be a mom and caring for a high needs baby under 1 year old. I felt so panicked the whole time about disappointing her with my planning, and also about having to be apart from my baby who didn't sleep without me still (she would have been just over 1 year old at the time of the bach) to attend this multi day thing. But I trucked through and was doing my best, in a near constant state of anxiety about both the planning of the event and the worsening of COVID.

Needless to say, everything got cancelled due to COVID and I was extremely relieved, and hoped that they would be able to overcome the pain of a cancelled wedding and perhaps elope and save that money for a honeymoon or down payment for a future home, but that has not been the case.

The wedding is now being re-planned and a date and venue have just been set, and now I'm also pregnant with baby #2 (which she knew about before letting me know a new date was being set).

She hasn't mentioned anything about me still being the Maid of Honor, or replanning a bach party or anything, and I feel so awkward about it. I don't know if she's still assuming it's all the same, or waiting to ask again, or if I should bring it up first? Not only do I not think I'm the best person for the job to give her the amazing experience she wants, but I also still feel panicked at the idea of even attending a multi day event away from my kiddos. Even if I took them with me, (which I feel uncomfortable with because they are unvaccinated children and would be flying) I wouldn't get to see them all day into late nights for multiple days with the way the bach would be planned. I won't even feel comfortable traveling by air until all my kids including the future infant are vaccinated, which honestly may not even be in time for the wedding (Spring 2022). But for now I am assuming we will find a way to make attending the wedding happen....I just don't foresee making it over there for a bachelorette.

How do I approach this and how can I word it? I'm not the most emotionally aware or sensitive person and left to my own devices, I will butcher this and potentially risk ending the friendship, which I do value. Zoom? Video message? Email? Phone call? What do I even say?

How do you go from being the MOH to not even attending the bachelorette party? Is there any way to do this in a mature way or any things I could additionally do to make it up to her in different ways and show her still that I love and value her?

TL;DR: I was signed up to be a MOH at a 2020 wedding and the scope/level of involvement was already over my head as a new mom, but thankfully got cancelled due to COVID. I thought I was in the clear, but she just picked a new 2022 date and hasn't said anything specific about me still being the MOH. I know I can't do it anymore...how do I approach it?

Submitted April 02, 2021 at 07:42AM by throwaway_moh_2022 https://ift.tt/39BWzud