Boyfriend (26M) has incurable cancer and I am stuck in a Long Distance relationship during Covid... and we can't stop fighting (help)

[Need advice- serious]

I (F/27) and my BF (26M) have been together for 4 years in a long distance relationship. He got thyroid cancer 2 years ago and it is incurable as all treatment and surgeries didn't work.

He wants to settle down and get married before he might die. The survival rate is 10% in 10 years.

I've just started a PhD program and living in a new country. We are still doing long distance but he resents it and recently started acting out his anger to me, being withdrawn and distance. I dont think I'm ready to settle down.

I feel angry as cancer has taken away the old bf that I had and replaced it with someone who wants to settle down very early, and I feel I am not ready. I love him very much and thought we were soulmates/ would get married but then cancer hit 2 years ago. My life has changed.

He asked me to move in with him and I am very scared. I feel like my whole life is going to change. His cancer is genetic and I'm worried I'll become a widow, or have kids that have cancer, plus not ready to settle.

I also am scared of the caregiving aspect- how do I commit to that when I'm not married yet and haven't made a vow? I feel like many of my friends say I can find someone else, but I have feelings for him and I love him more than anyone in the world. Except I still want to pursue my dreams abroad and live life normally.

I am torn between what to do. Part of me wants to be with him forever, and part of me is very scared about what the future holds for me. I never imagined this.

This has been extremely upsetting for me and he said he REALLY wants a girlfriend who is by his side 24/7 and not some "fake" long distance relationship. He said he isn't sure he can see a future with me if this continues. I don't know what to do.

Like if I settle down with him Im scared he'll die and I'll be all alone. I am also so struggling to cope with his moods and demands. He's sick and there's nothing I can do about it.

He said he doesn't want to wait for me to want to settle down later (say 32 years old) as he might not live til then.

I can't even see him as he is in another country and I am halfway across the world due to COVID! I can't say how frustrating it is!

He told me he wants to have a few kids because he's really interested in having a family, and he's always wanted one. Now that he feels like he's dying, he wants EVERYTHING really fast, as if his life's going away (which it is) and he wants to rush having kids.

I think once I move in with him, he will start wanting a family. I am terrified! I am 27 years old and don't feel ready.

He told me that since he got sick, his priorities have changed and he has DIFFERENT NEEDS and wants- e.g. family, focusing on happiness instead of a job, etc, having a girlfriend that is next to him all the time.

He used to be able to tolerate Long distance, now he hates it and has been telling me how he doesn't want to continue despite me having no career and job yet. I haven't even achieved my own dreams.

I also hate this situation now, and want to cry everyday. It is terrible and I can't seem to even fly to discuss face to face with him. This virus has ruined my life. Long distance has ruined my relationship and cancer is the absolute worse shit I've had to deal with. I can't even see him! I want to fly but all the borders are closed!

What do I do?

**TL;DR; : Boyfriend (26M) has incurable cancer and might not live 10 years and is wanting me to settle and has changed SO MUCH and hates long distance and is saying he wants different things and i am scared

Submitted April 02, 2021 at 04:20PM by Nerdycaroline1 https://ift.tt/3sHtFQJ