Hi!
So as the title suggests, my best friend has not spoken to me since the beginning of December.
Molly (name changed) and I met three years ago on social media. We had been following each other because we have similar interests and live in the same town. One day she messaged me asking to be friends and the rest is history. I was very excited because I don’t have many friends and it was so nice to have so many things in common. I already knew of Molly’s long term (10 years) boyfriend, Tony, because he is a semi-popular musician in our town.
Molly is an angel of a human being. Hard working, caring, a real catch, honestly. I would frequently joke to Tony that if he wasn’t going to put a ring on it soon, I would...and that leads me into this whole disaster. As I mentioned, Tony is a fairly well known musician in our town. He is also known as an overgrown 12 year old. He is basically your annoying little brother, just taller and with facial hair. I don’t dislike the guy at all, he is very talented and fun to be around (in small doses). Do I see what Molly sees in him? No absolutely not. He farts and burps at the dinner table, insists on blasting while we’re trying to have conversations, sleeps until 3pm, is unnecessarily loud, demands Molly to cook for him 3 meals a day, has never unloaded a dishwasher or cleaned a thing in his life, etc. Molly is way out of his league, honestly. Yet, she loves him and thinks sun shines out of his behind.
The first time I asked Molly about what she wants out of life in the future she immediately said marriage and kids. I asked about where Tony stands in that area she said he obviously wants the same. Tony even has his grandmothers ring that was given to him to propose to her. I asked “do you guys talk about it?”. That’s when it came up that he basically shuts down or changes the subject. She doesn’t see anything wrong with him responding that way because he just “doesn’t like serious conversations”. This worried me for her, but at this point we didnt know eachother well so I didn’t say anything. As time went on she would talk about wanting to get engaged. She would send me links to rings she liked and ask me to send them to Tony. I did, and every time he would either threaten to block me or ignore me. She sent me her wedding Pinterest board. I sent it to him, he ignored me. She sent me this really heart wrenching message about how the anniversary of their first date was coming up and how special it would be if he proposed, I told him about it, he told me to shut up.
I stopped sending him things after a while because to me, it was very clear. I don’t think he wants to commit. I will admit I never actually said that to her, although I don’t know if she would ever listen. She always told me I don’t know nearly as much about relationships as her because I was either single or not with my boyfriend (now fiancé) as long as she was with Tony.
I met Noah a year after I met Molly. I wasn’t looking for anything because I had come out of a long term abusive relationship a year and a half prior, but Noah is something else. He is a total gem. He treats me so incredibly well, and although we took things slow, I knew he was the one quickly. Molly was really happy for me and we ended up hanging out as a group often. Noah and Tony became pretty good friends too.
As my relationship with Noah got more serious and we moved in together, Molly joked a few times about killing me if I got engaged before her. Noah and I talked often about our future. He is 3 years younger than me so it was important that we were on the same page. I want to be married and have kids before I’m 35. The only thing that we don’t agree on right now is I want to elope and he wants a huge wedding!
My town has been in and out of lockdown for a year now and while we haven’t seen our friends often at all, we have kept in touch daily. Since Noah and I have basically been alone together this whole time we also have been talking more seriously about our future. I had no idea he had a ring and was going to propose to me when he did, though. He surprised me with my dream ring two months ago and I could not have been more happy.
I called Molly before I called my family. She didn’t pick up so I texted her a picture of it. I waited a while and didn’t hear back so I called my family. Hours go by and I haven’t heard from her. I thought it was weird but was in complete bliss so I posted a picture on social media and got drunk with my now fiancée and went to bed. Next morning, still nothing from Molly. She did see my picture on social media though.
I talk to Noah and that’s when he tells me she was cold towards him when he showed her the ring he wanted to get me a few months earlier. I text Molly a few more times, and call her multiple times. She has not spoken to me in two months as of today. I reached out to Tony to make sure she was alive and she is, she just won’t speak to me.
I completely understand that she is upset. And when I reached out after the ring picture I told her that. I told her we don’t have to talk about wedding stuff even. I’m not trying to plan a wedding any time soon. I just want to talk to my best friend. I’m completely heart broken.
Noah thinks I should stop reaching out because this kind of behaviour is selfish on her end. I disagree personally, I can see why she is upset I just want to talk to her.
Should I give up, say something specific, move on?
TLDR: best friend has not spoken to me since I got engaged. Her bf of 10 years won’t commit and I think she’s jealous that mine of 2 years will. Should I move on or ask for her back in my life?
EDIT: I accidentally left out that every time Molly asked me to send Tony something I screenshotted his responses. Whether he told me to shut up or ignored me, she saw it. When I stopped sending things his way I told her that I didn’t want to anymore because he clearly isn’t interested.
edit 2: Tony is 38 and Noah is 27
Edit 3: English is not my first language, I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes!
Submitted February 01, 2021 at 06:05PM by thrownawayfriend91 https://ift.tt/3tiXc3S
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