My (35f) partner (38m) is a uni prof and it drives me up the wall when he goes into prof-mode with me

TL; DR basically the title. When he talks about something he is passionate about, he will talk at me and sometimes over me for very long stretches. I know it's just because it's something he's used to doing for work (he lectures 3x/week). I don't know how to talk to him about it without hurting his feelings or making it seem like I don't care about his passions.

We've been together for 6 years, living together for 3. He is a professor at a major university teaching a subject that he has dedicated his life to and is very excited and passionate about. He lectures on it 3 days per week.

He is an amazing person and a wonderful partner. 90% of the time I love our conversations and I enjoy learning about his work and his passions and telling him about mine, or learning new things together.

But.

Every now and then he will go into lecture mode when we're talking, and he will just talk and talk and talk with zero engagement on my part. If I try to jump in or ask a question or add anything to the convo, sometimes it works and sometimes he just keeps talking like he hasn't heard me. It really does feel like I'm a student in one of his classes, and even if it's something I'm interested in it just turns me off of the conversation to be spoken at instead of with.

One time I decided to just let him go and see how long he could talk at me with zero engagement before noticing that I hadn't said a word, and I swear to you all he spoke for over an hour and a half. And the lecture just ended because he said what he wanted to say, not because he noticed that I hadn't spoken or interacted in over an hour.

It drives me crazy. But he's also very sensitive and I don't want to discourage him from talking about things he loves, or to make him feel like I don't support him or care about his passions. I do! And I love hearing his thoughts, I think he's brilliant! It's just that when he talks at me about something, and especially when I try to join in but get rebuffed or spoken over, it makes me feel unnecessary to the conversation. I mean, it's not a conversation at that point. He could be talking to the dog or into a tape recorder.

I brought this up once and he was so embarrassed about it, and I could tell that he made a real effort to not talk about the subject he teaches for a few months afterwards, which made me feel just awful. I don't want that to happen again.

So my question is, how can I approach this in a way that doesn't sound like I'm saying he talks too much about the things he loves or that I'm not interested in them?

Submitted February 06, 2021 at 07:36PM by Profloverthrowaway https://ift.tt/3cMDAzp