Please feel free to share any thoughts or help for my situation. I cry every night and it's been extremely hard to understand. How do I manage to get over this ghosting situation and what should my next steps be?
I (23F) met my my bestfriend (22M) in High School (2014, my senior year his junior year). We became extremely close, went to prom together and dated for a year until I went off to college. We kept in contact as he finished his final year in High School, I even went to his HS graduation. We remained best friends for years, even as we both dated other people. I accepted the fact that we were just friends, and truthfully preferred it that way, and we would often hang out during Summer/Thanksgiving/Christmas breaks when we were both home.
I was in an abusive relationship (25M) for a good majority of my collegiate career. The guy I was dating was an extreme narcissist, serial cheater, and abused me mentally and emotionally. We even got into heated arguments that led to physical altercations. EVERYONE at my school knew how terrible he was, which was extremely embarrassing for me. I developed social anxiety and lost about 30lbs in less than 6 months. He damaged my property on multiple occasions, punched holes in my college apartment wall, slashed my car tires, bleached my clothes and much more. It was an awful few years for me, and leaving these abusive situations is much harder than most would think. I ended up taking a year off from school.
My high school ex and I remained friends during the time I dated my abusive ex. And he actually began to express that he still had feelings for me, and he wanted me to end my abusive relationship and date him. He told me this for years (from about 2017 to 2019) and I finally gathered the courage to leave my abusive ex and began to casually see/date my high school sweet heart again.
Because my high school sweet heart went to school out of state, the majority of our friendship/relationship was virtual. We went from speaking weekly from 2015-2018, to talking and FaceTiming EVERY day starting January 2019. He really was my closest friend. He promised he wanted to help me heal from my situation, and that if I gave him a chance, he would treat me with the respect that I deserved. Once he came home from college Summer 2019, we hung out almost every day until he had to return to school. Our summer hangouts were always cut short because he had to report back to school early because he played SEC football. We were never sexually active during this time because truthfully, I was still healing from my past relationship. But before he went back to school, he asked me to come visit him during his football season. He was injured and missed the beginning his season, but I surprised him for his first game post-injury in September 2019, and by this point we'd gotten pretty serious. I met his teammates, hung out with his parents, he showed me around his school, and much more. He told me he loved me often, and that he was faithful considering our long distance. I also spent Christmas and NYE with him and his family, we exchanged gifts, went on countless dates and spent so much time together when we could. This was the happiest I'd been in years. I'd gained the majority of my weight back and I was so happy to be dating my best friend, even though I was originally a little hesitant to take him back out of the friend zone.
February 2020 this all changed when he GHOSTED me. He told me he had alot going on and asked me to pray for him and his situation. He NEVER told me what happened but he promised we'd pick up where he left off once everything was okay. I expected this to last for a few days or even weeks but I ended up not hearing from him for MONTHS. He deleted his social media, and when I would attempt to reach out he asked me to stop. He didn't even wish me a happy birthday in July! Our birthdays our 7 days apart so I texted him for his birthday and surprisingly he replied but there wasn't much conversation. He reappeared a few days later and texted me out of the blue. He never told me what happened, nor did he apologize for ghosting, but for some reason I let it slide. (I did some digging and was able to figure out what happened but never mentioned this to him). We pretty much picked up where we left off, hanging out, talking, texting, etc. He and my brother were pretty close as well, so their relationship started back also. UNTIL, Sep. 2020 I texted him and it went GREEN and I realized he changed his #. He reactivated his social media in November and I reached out on twitter and got no response. I was DEVASTATED he ghosted me AGAIN!
I was finally starting to get over the situation and after blocking him on social media in Novemeber, recently followed him again in Feb. 2021. He grad-transferred to our home city to play football (like we'd talked about in 2019), and was active on social media again, so I got curious one day and decided to follow him. When I followed him I immediately noticed he followed girls that I knew (from my college), but I didn't pay it much attention. He followed me back pretty quickly and I at least expected him to reach out, especially considering he'd recently posted a picture from our Christmas outing in 2019. A week later he posts an odd picture of a girl's wrist and I immediately knew this was him hinting at a girlfriend. I was extremely hurt, I started crying in public as soon as I saw it. I decided to reach out on instagram and let him know how badly he hurt me. I'd never told him this, because I didnt want to add on to any stress from his "situation". But I sent him a really nice message (all things considered) asking how he could do this to a friend?? He read it immediately and didn't respond. The next day he removed me as a follower. The night before Valentine's day he LIKED the message. And On Valentine's Day my heart completely shattered. He ended up posting his new girlfriend who was a girl that I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH! Mind you, he had no ties to my school (besides me) and we'd technically never "broke up"! I was devastated. I've been crying now for about a week. Please please HELP WHAT DO I DO!!
I really needed closure and I remember he told me he has ghosted in the past. I reached out to his ex on social media and she told me he ghosted and her multiple other women from their school as well. After talking for a bit we also realized that he cheated on both of us with each other, even though he claimed to be faithful. I'm so broken by this situation. I didn't just lose my boyfriend, but I've lost one of my closest friendships and once again I am extremely embarrassed. I literally can't stop crying. I've helped him through life, multiple concussions, injuries, and he's helped me heal from one of the worst portions of my life. How could he do this especially considering he knew how much I went through with my abusive/cheater ex?!
TL;DR! In summary, I've been ghosted by someone I really trusted and he didn't even have the decency to tell me why when I nicely reached out. /r/ghosting
Submitted February 15, 2021 at 01:43PM by Necessary_Place_8473 https://ift.tt/3ankA8Y
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