Cast: Me, F30 Husband, M30
Length of relationship, 8 years. Married for 2 years
I'll do my best not to get bogged down in nitty details and if I can I'll bullet point the biggest things I've noticed. To start, we met when we were 18, freshman in college. He pursued me first and we dated for a few months before we broke up due to being in different states. About a year later we got back together, this time I pursued him. Over the next several years we did long distance, moved in together in 2015, engaged in 2016, married in early 2019. Recently, it's been like someone flipped a switch and I'm looking at him as a person, his beliefs, our relationship with new eyes. Some major things are:
- whenever I am upset, the ongoing/go-to response was I'm too dramatic, over sensitive, must be on my period, over thinking.
- whenever I get enough courage to tell him what's wrong or he's pestered me to tell him what is wrong, I feel like I am the one that says sorry. He's even said "I didn't mean it that way so it's not my fault you took it that way, that's on you."
- I get anxious when he arrives home, wondering "which husband/personality I'm about to get"
- if I walk off, he almost always says "hey wait, come here" and for several years I did, until recently when I began to notice how much this annoyed me.
- We were trying for a baby last year, and I realized I was only doing it for him, and other families because we are "the last hope."
- Last week he was in the living room, I closed the door to the bathroom to shower, within seconds I heard him walking towards me, opened the door and asked what I was doing, he said it in a joking way and a funny look on his face so maybe I was reading too much into it?
- When I told him no baby now and maybe never he said "well I can be persuasive" again, he said it was a badly placed joke.
- I don't have friends. I had a large group of mostly male friends in college, I no longer speak to them. I have a single friend now but she lives over an hour from me.
- I feel very isolated. I moved to his state, he has friends and family close by.
- Feels more like parent/child relationship instead of a team or husband/wife
I know from that list it looks like he is a terrible person, but he has so many redeeming qualities that I wonder if I really am just over thinking about little things. I mean, no one is perfect but a few months ago after the baby incident, he really has been trying more around the house. He does chores without me asking, does things the first time I ask him to, things like that.
I need outside perspective, please. I'm also wondering if maybe quarantine is the reason I'm nit picking everything about him because before Covid, we were so close, makes me laugh like no other, and I know he genuinely cares.
TL:DR! - I think I forced myself out of love with my partner because I've been noticing red flags that point to controlling me.
Submitted February 04, 2021 at 11:52AM by Puzzled_Newt_3828 https://ift.tt/3cHxO1P
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