I [m30] for denied my friend's [f30] request to take in her [m29] husband so she can have space. Was this the right call?

I [m30] got a couple friends that have been married for a couple years. They have one kid and the mother works while the dad takes care of the kid at home. They rushed into marriage after dating for a few months, had a kid and bought a house in the first 9 months of that marriage. While she was pregnant he quit his job to take up some trade.

At the time I was like....these are all terrible ideas because it's not what I would do. But I can't make decisions for other people so I just kept my mouth shut.

It's been about three years and the wife seems to be at her wits end. They have both confided in me separately on occasions many times. I won't go into details because I have kinda been sword to secrecy (yet here I am on reddit..damn) but I can tell she is really frustrated. She is used to working a ton and making money but he has only had job for about three months out of the three years they are married. He doesn't want to be married. I mean he seems to like his wife but he just never planned on raising a kid even though they agreed to have kids.

The husband has some motivation/depression issues like a lot of people. But he can't seem to stay motivated for more than a few days at a time. Sometimes his wife messages me when she is frustrated. I normally kindly direct the conversation back to him so that they can discuss their marital problems.

I really think she is pulling her weight and is just tired like any person. He doesn't seem to be pulling his weight. I want him to act like an adult but I can't fix that.

The other night she messaged me and asked if he could stay with me for a while because she needs to think about her and her kid.

They have done a lot for me in the last year (mainly her) but I couldnt bring myself to let him stay with me. He doesn't have a job, car and no motivation to get a job on his own. I still feel bad because I don't know what they are gonna do.

I can tell that she is really considering divorce because of the way she acts around me. She cracks tons of sex jokes, tells me I'm good with kids and women, wants her husband to be more like me etc. We have similar backgrounds and can talk about serious and goofy things. She has told me things that her husband doesn't know. I think she has been cooped up with her husband because of covid and working from home has stressed their marriage.

I kinda want to tell the husband that his wife is getting comfortable with other men and that he needs to pull his weight or this marriage is gonna fall apart. She makes the money, tries her best to help him out, the house is in her name and she wants more kids. I don't know if he knows how bad his position is.

I feel bad for the toddler involved in all of this but I just can't get involved. I got too much on my plate. I can't bring another mental and financial bill into my house. It's half the reason why I haven't gotten married and had kids. I can't raise anyone else right now.

It's a long story but I just need some other opinions.

tl;dr: Was I wrong to not take in my friend's bum husband?

Submitted February 06, 2021 at 08:13AM by smashedrossio https://ift.tt/2YQJaIH