What obligation (if any) do I (30/F) have to my former coworker (50/M) who told me he was in love with me (and sexually harassed me)? I feel some guilt over the situation.

When I started my job a few years ago, this guy started taking to me about innocent stuff (let's call him Bob). Bob was best friends with my boss and the head of the company, as well as the head of HR.

• Within a few weeks, we hit it off as friends. He started inviting me to hang out with him and my boss in social settings. It was really nice to be included in things. I'm generally a very lonely person (I have a lot of social anxiety), so having friends and social interaction with people I got along with meant a lot to me.

• Within 3 months, Bob starting casually making sexual remarks to me. I was uncomfortable, but really wanted to be "one of the guys." So I didn't directly respond or encourage him, but I also didn't say "stop! this is inappropriate."

• Bob next told me he was my soulmate and he was in love with me. I didn't really respond to that. I told him we had a massive age difference and he was a nice man, but I, again, did not encourage him. I never hung out with Bob alone outside of work. I never told Bob I liked or loved him.

• Bob started touching me inappropriately. When I was at lunch with Bob and other people, he would walk behind me and pinch my ass, graze his hand against my boob. Basically anytime anyone wasn't looking, Bob would touch me. Even if I pulled away.

• Bob also made it very clear to me that he always got his way at work because of his friendships with those in charge of the company. I really needed this job and didn't want to lose it. I was working 12 hours per day and earning my spot there, but I was afraid Bob would sabotage me like I watched him do to other people.

• I made sure to keep Bob happy without crossing any lines. I continued to be nice to Bob. He eventually stopped telling me he loved me. He would still occasionally touch me without my consent and make remarks about my body, but it was bearable. He also would get upset if I didn't communicate with him every few hours everyday. I would block all of that out and just focus on being friends with him. And we built what felt like a friendship.

• Flash forward 3 years later. I quit my job. Bob cried hysterically and told me never stopped loving me all these years. I grew to care about Bob a lot as a friend, so this hurt me. I cried too. And started to wonder if I didn't give him a fair chance.

• Bob and I were talking everyday, but he started getting weird with me again. So I cut off communication with him. And, honestly, I feel better.

TL;DR: I'm wondering if the situation with Bob was impacting me like an abusive relationship. But do I owe Bob a proper goodbye? I feel bad for my part in all of this, and that I've hurt him. What is my responsibility in this situation? I don't know where to draw the line between taking care of myself and being mindful of his feelings. I feel guilty for not feeling bad about ignoring him.

Submitted October 26, 2020 at 07:00AM by edcchick_throwawayy https://ift.tt/37FYAW1