My boyfriend doesn’t tell me about problems in his life because he doesn’t want to burden me. It really, really bums me out.

Background: My boyfriend (24m) and I (21f) have been together for a little over two years and have lived together for like 95% of it. We’ve probably only had a couple “bad” arguments but I’d think we’re pretty dang great together. We met through mutual friends and the rest is history lol.

He had a pretty regular childhood, but an unaffectionate one (cultural thing mostly) and it’s definitely translated over into our relationship. He’s not a big cuddler/complimenter but he’s absolutely warmed up a lot and it’s gotten a bit better over the years- it’s the “opening up” that’s excluded though. I can read him like a book and always know when something is going on in his cute lil’ head, but every time I ask if everything’s okay he just shrugs it off, will tickle me or something to change the subject and act fine. I’ve asked why he always dodges having conversations about things he’s going through and he just tries to convince me that nothings going on, and I’ve just started taking it as an “I don’t want to talk about it,” and leave it there because I’d never want to push him like that. However, if it’s relationship stuff he’ll just briefly mention it, we’ll have a conversation and it’s settled easily.

Things are opening up a bit around our parts, so last weekend we all went out for some drinks (separate tables, all within guidelines!) and got pretty crunk. My boyfriend went into brown-out “I’ma tell you everything” mode. He finally told me that one of his older family members had overdosed and that’s what was getting him down! I of course gave my condolences and asked if his parents were okay, and eventually why he never told me. He explained that he didn’t want his problems to burden me, and that he’s strong and can deal with them on his own. This bummed me the fuck out- I had a close friend who OD’ed and my boyfriend was the first person I ran to when I figured out and he was there for me. I’d mentioned that to him and asked if it was okay, and he said something along the lines of how I can tell him anything and everything, he’ll always be there etc. I know he always is, which makes me feel even worse for him.

I wish he’d come to me and tell me if something is going on. I probably just have to accept that for now at least, this isn’t going to happen. He didn’t grow up doing so and neither did his parents so it makes sense, but ironically he’s the person my friends go to when they’re feeling down. He’s such a warm person and has such a big heart, I wish he was more comfortable opening up with me about things. Nobody should have to feel like they can deal with everything on their own.

TL;DR: My boyfriend doesn’t tell me about emotional stuff he’s going through because he doesn’t want to burden me, and is strong enough to deal with it all on his own. Makes me sad for him.

Submitted October 23, 2020 at 10:49AM by poppyboba https://ift.tt/35qdMUm